There are many reasons why you may suddenly find yourself alone after years of having a companion and partner.  The thought of getting out there again, trying to meet new people and going through dating and courtship process can be daunting and sometimes terrifying.  You may feel like you are out of practice, and with the changes over the years, perhaps you may also feel that you will be forever doing, saying, or suggesting the wrong things.  Internet personals can ease the trauma and make things a little easier.

Suggestion No 1 – Clean up any debris

Be careful, that you don’t try getting involved with someone new too soon.  Don’t just go out with someone in spite of someone else or because everyone else you know has a partner.   Make sure any lingering doubts and matters from your previous relationship are cleared up.  Remove any reminders of previous partners that make you uncomfortable, sad or depressed (this doesn’t mean “removing” the person physically from this world - LOL).  Make sure you are seeking a companion because you’d rather like to have someone around to share things with rather than feel you need someone.  Find your own independence again, first - don’t feel that you cannot survive without someone.  Do a few of the things you haven’t done for ages because your previous partner didn’t enjoy them – beside that just may be the place where you meet someone new.

Don’t look too hard.  Just get out and enjoy life.  If you venture out to bars, nightclubs, social clubs or events with the intent of “finding” someone, you are more than likely to end up disappointed – why? – because you will generally try too hard and perhaps come on too strong and eager.  Relax and enjoy yourself.  If you are searching via personal ad posting, the same general rules apply – don’t appear “desperate” and don’t go on about your recent “broken heart” or bad experience. 

Suggestion No 2 – Change yourself a little

Look at your hairstyle and hair colouring – have you keep it that way because your previous partner liked it…but you never really did?!   Now is the time to experiment and do those changes you always wanted to try.  The same goes for your wardrobe.  Get rid of any items that were purchased just to please your previous partner, go out a buy those items that you always wanted to wear and look good in.  It is important to feel good about yourself and what you are wearing.  If you are uncomfortable with how you look this will be reflected when you are out and about, and the unconscious signals you send out will be picked up by others.  You may miss out on meeting that perfect someone because you really aren’t feeling good about yourself.

Suggestion No 3 – What are you looking for

Think about, or even make a list of what you are looking for in a new partner.  We are not talking about physical attributes, but more along the lines of compatibility, common goals, interests and hobbies.  List what are most important, and then list preferred attributes.  You will probably never find anyone with all that you desire so think about what is most important to you and compromise (ie be realistic).   This also helps when it comes to going to the right places in order to meet someone that like to do what you are interested in, and when posting a personal ad – you can list what you are searching for and list your interests and hobbies as well.

Suggestion No 4 – Don’t Harp on the Past

Don’t keep looking back – the past is over and it is now time to look forward.  Remember the special moments, and certainly make mention of them if the moment arises when it is appropriate, but no new partner likes to be told continually how wonderful or how dreadful your previous partner was – and whatever you do, don’t make comparisons.  Everyone is different and an individual, accept them for whom and what they are, don’t try to make them into someone else.  Do not search for someone like your previous partner - you will always end up disappointed.

Suggestion No 5 – Go slow

Now you are ready for your first date - don’t go all out.  A first date during the day on a weekend or a lunch date is probably more appropriate nowadays.  Don’t go to the expense of motels or fancy restaurants, or even flowers - so cliché on the first date.  You may be left, holding the gifts, and the bill without even having had a nice conversation if your date gets cold feet.  Arrange something that doesn’t seem too intimidating for a first date, and something that isn’t going to drag on for too long, just in case the chemistry isn’t there. 

Suggestion No 6 – Hang in there

If the first few dates, don’t work out, don’t get too disheartened.  If you seem to be attracting the wrong type of person, perhaps you need to “rethink” your wish list and make some changes (and rewrite your ad).  Remember when you went for job interviews, there were always a few rejections before you got a position.  And the more job interviews you attended, the more relaxed you became.  Dating runs along similar lines, it will get easier.  Even if you don’t hit it off romantically with some of the people you meet, you may find yourself with a few new friends, who themselves offer a wider circle of people for you to meet.  As the saying goes, there is no such thing as a stranger – they are just friends you haven’t met.

Best of luck !!!