INTERNET PERSONAL ADS

Sex Crap goes one-on-one with a site owner

We are more than halfway through March, spring is in the air, and thoughts are beginning to turn to... what else? Sex. It's definitely that time of the year, as evidenced by many of the e-mails I have been receiving lately. I see it all around me. Warmer days have started to bring out spring clothing, guys are finding any open space to toss the pigskin or the cowhide, and everyone I come into contact with is trying to adjust to the new surge of hormones!

Turning back to those e-mails I receive, do you know what the most popular subject continues to be? People want to know where they can meet someone! And I usually tell them that I am not a matchmaker, but people today have the greatest mechanism ever to meet people - the Internet! How did people meet fifteen years ago? Work? Too messy. School? Too clique-ish. Bars? Puh-leese! Grocery store? I think not. Church? Um, no. Frankly, I don't know how they did it, but that does not concern me. I am, and always have been, a staunch believer in the Internet, and online personals. I have many friends who have met online, and I even went as far as placing an ad myself about seven months ago!

But it seems as people write me, there is still some indecision about using this medium to meet people. Some cite the thought that they are too "normal" to use this means, or they don't feel "desperate" enough yet. And while I do my best to convince them of the positives, I usually end by asking them to simply try it! 

But instead of spewing out all my personal opinions again, I decided to go right to the source. Seven months ago, the site I chose to place an online personal with was (and still is) www.sexyads.com. Since that time, my column has had the good fortune of establishing a relationship with them. And when I approached the SexyAds site owners (Maureen and John) about doing a short Q&A, they were happy to oblige.

Hopefully, this will give you a better insight into the world of online personals.

Jenn: Tell me a general cross-section of the types of people using your personals site? Such as...professionals, swingers, secretaries, politicians, celebrities... just an idea of YOUR member base.

SexyAds: When we first started SexyAds, the net was still new and we expected to get your average geek type men and women. What we found:

*   Normal, everyday people. 
*   Many are between 30-50, but there are all ages, over 18. 
*   We found that it doesn't matter what you look like, someone is going to be attracted to you.
*   US, Canada, UK & Australia make up the majority of members.
*   A good mix of single, divorced or separated adults and those in relationships looking for something on the side (or something in the middle!)
*   For every doctor, lawyer and business person, we have an equal number of truck drivers, secretaries and nurses. There's no one profession that is in abundance.


Jenn: What have you seen as being the most common reason(s) so many people use your site to meet people?

SexyAds: We're all so busy with our jobs, our families and our homes that we don't get out as much as it takes to meet new friends. The net is easy, anonymous and fun and if we decide it's all too much, we don't have to let anyone down easily, we just have to change our nickname.  I know that might sound simplistic, but I really believe that it's easier to find someone on the net than in your own home town.

I met my partner John through a personal ad on the net back in 94, before the WWW was in Orlando.  We met through an ad for a penpal.  I wasn't seriously looking for anyone, nor was he, but in a few months we knew we needed to meet to find out if the feelings we had for each other were real and if the other was who we perceived him/her to be in person.  I was in Orlando and he was in Australia.  We really do have product knowledge!

Jenn: If you were given a short paragraph to convince a staunch non-believer that online personals work, how would you do it?

SexyAds: I don't think you can convince a staunch non-believer that online personals work.  Online personals are not for everyone. Some people need to see someone in person to know if they'd be interested.  These same people couldn't imagine what it's like to discuss sex or sexuality with a stranger, and they couldn't imagine how cybersex works or why some people think it's fun.  Fortunately, staunch non-believers are rare and most people who would like to make new friendships for relationships or just sex are willing to give it a try.  With the anonymity that most personal ad sites offer, what do you have to lose?  Nothing but the time to write the ad and read the responses.

Jenn: What are some potential drawbacks (if any) about meeting through online personals?

SexyAds: There are drawbacks in meeting through personal ads just like there are drawbacks in meeting a blind date chosen by your best friend.  Life is a risk any way you look at it.  Meeting through personals has the anonymous aspect to it and there's the risk that the person you think you're falling for isn't who he or she says they are.  It's not a huge problem for most of us, but everyone wants to show themselves in the best light possible so a few pounds here, a few years there and you're looking at someone who's close to what you expected.  Problems occur when someone has shared a photo from 1952 when they were 60 lbs lighter or back when they had hair.

Jenn: Do you have a favorite "meeting story" about your online site?

SexyAds: We had a gentleman who was 62 and he wrote to me and asked why nobody was answering his ad.  He'd been with us for nearly 6 months and wasn't having any luck and would I please try to help.  I pulled up his ad and it was only a paragraph but nearly every word was misspelled.  The ad itself was terrific, but nobody could get past the spelling.  He was a wealthy farmer who was obviously bright, but spelling and grammar weren't his best qualities.  Then I looked at his photo and it was just between the chest and the knees and I've gotta say, men who are 62 are way better off showing a smiling face!

I rewrote his ad and asked him to send me a photo of a smiling face.  I did a bit of cropping and uploaded the new ad and photo and crossed my fingers.  This man had been a widower for 4 years and just finding someone to talk to would have been wonderful, but he was hopeful.

In less than 3 weeks he'd met 4 women and the last email I received was to tell me that I could put his ad on hold because he'd settled on one of the women and was planning to ask her to marry him if things worked out.

Jenn: How about a funniest (or most bizarre) story?

SexyAds: We did have one story that made us roll our eyes.  A man met a woman in the chatroom and they became very good friends.  He wanted to meet in person, she was hesitant.  He offered to pay her way and her hotel if she would agree to meet in person.  She finally gave in and went to meet him and he wasn't quite as attractive as he'd led her to believe, but she was willing to get to know him.  They went out to dinner that first night and apparently he was a real shit.  He was abusive to the wait staff, talked down to her and generally not someone she wanted to be with.  She excused herself and went to the ladies room and called a friend to pick her up and take her back to her hotel and then she left to go back home.  Within 3 months the man sued her for the cost of the ticket and hotel and pain and suffering because she didn't stay with him for the entire weekend as she had promised.  She didn't have the funds to contest it so he won and then demanded that we remove her from our website.

Jenn: Talk a little about the different preferences of your members (i.e. swinging, domination, same sex, phone/chat sex, etc)

SexyAds: As in most personal ad sites, I think you'll find

#1  men seeking women
#2  couples seeking couples
#3  women seeking men
#4  men seeking men
#5  women seeking women
#6  couples seeking women
#6  bondage, discipline, spanking..  all the fetishes
#7  phone or video chat

Jenn: What do you think sets your site apart from the others?

SexyAds: Customer service.  We agreed when we started SexyAds that if we put the members first, the site would work.  We were right and we still have every ad scanned, every photo rated and every support mail answered within 24 hours.  Also, we keep our membership down to just those who are actively looking.  That means that our members are more likely to receive an answer to their ad replies or email.

Jenn: Lastly, what changes or progress do you foresee regarding online personals in the future? And how might sexyads.com be a part of the next revolution?

SexyAds: That's the mighty question, all right.  I think we'll see extended profiles and preference matching to help members find compatible partners easier.  We're installing all new servers now so we can offer enhanced searches, additional photos and other surprises to keep SexyAds the place to find new friends.

Helping sexy adults find each other is the best job in the world.  It gives us great satisfaction to hear from satisfied members who have found someone for a night or a lifetime

Jenn: Hopefully, you found some of the insight provided by Maureen and John useful. Give their site a try. Basic message exchange and searching remains free! Check them out at www.sexyads.com.

© Jenn at e-crap.com