How to find a meaningful relationship online.

This week's featured author Bill, a young lawyer who found his soulmate at SexyAds.

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From A Guy’s Perspective:

Finding a Meaningful Relationship Through the Internet (...Or at least getting HotBabe32 to respond to one of your 10,000 responses to her ad)

I have heard men repeatedly complain that they have a hard time meeting women through the Internet, or even getting them to respond to their emails or personal ads. First, we must accept a basic fact before proceeding: the odds are against us. This means that we need to develop a strategy, put a little thought into our approach. This means paying a little attention to what a prospective woman might actually want to hear or read, rather than slap her across the nose with a nice big picture of your member (and blowing up the jpeg doesn’t fool anybody). A quick review of all the sappy sitcom skits about men never listening to what women really want, and all those jokes about men being unable to communicate is a good start, as painful as that might be. If you survive that, you’re ready to start formulating your strategy.

The next step is to review what you have tried before, and consider why it might not have worked. Did you mention sex in your first message to her? That’s probably not a good start. Even worse…did you in any way describe or otherwise mention the length, width, color or flavor of your most male appendage? Worse still, did you send her a picture of it? Try walking up to a woman at a bar, or even that cute girl from accounting you see at the water cooler, and presenting her with a picture of your penis, or better yet, just whip it right out. Sounds crazy, does it not? Well, just because you have the Internet between you and her, the rules are not THAT different. True, there may well be women who are impressed by such displays, but generally those are women trying to sell you something, or men masquerading as women. Even the randiest, horniest of women, despite the fact that she may be looking for a one-night, no strings fling, won’t want to share carnal adventures with someone she doesn’t like, and that means who you are, not what you have in your wallet, or between your legs.

It may come as a shock to you, but most penises are rather unattractive, and generally look pretty much the same, all told, barring a bad case of genital warts, or a piercing gone horribly wrong. You need to establish why YOU are the one she can’t pass up responding to. What’s different about you (no, having a freckle on the end of your pecker doesn’t count)? If you are responding to an ad she has posted, did you actually read the ad, or only look at the picture to see if she had a nice posterior? Respond to what she wrote in her ad. Think about what she says…responding to personal ads is actually an advantage in some ways, because you have a captive audience while she reads what you have written. Every guy has an appendage, so that’s not likely to get her attention, which means you will need to be a bit more creative. Believe it or not, many women will be far more interested in who you are, rather than what you pee with. Write something witty to her, you can even be a little bit of a smart-aleck, so long as you are polite, and respectful. Make her laugh and you’ll be miles ahead of the guy that sends his “dick-pic” and asks her if she likes it from behind. Words are powerful, use them. Pique her interest, and you will have the best shot at a response. Face it, most women nowadays can pretty much get laid when they want to…they don’t need YOU. Luckily, that’s not at the top of most women’s priority lists.

Think back to those dumb sitcom skits (see above). You don’t have to be a cheeseball, and write the email equivalent of a box of chocolates and a dozen roses, but it wouldn’t hurt to err on the more sensitive side. For me, it was being a little witty, and writing her a message that very subtly challenged her to respond. It helps to be responsive to what a woman writes in her ad, but if it’s not well written, you may just have to wing it. Don’t mention sex, dinner and drinks, or even meeting at all. Give her a peek at who you are, but just enough to let her see that you are more interesting than the guys who have clogged her inbox with jpegs of their anatomy and offers of “sex all night” and “I’ll lick you dry” (ouch!).

For an opening email, or even in a chatroom or on a message board, a low pressure approach is advisable. You can come on as being strong, but it’s not good to just come on strong. Being pushy will most likely just run her off, or make her think you’re some psychotic stalker. Taking no for an answer, in a dignified, respectful manner, may gain you more points than you realize. It’s better to take a low-key approach, and catch her interest, rather than beat her over the head with your aching desire to copulate with her. For the first few messages that you exchange, make an effort to get to know her because she WILL notice, and appreciate that. If she feels like you are really interested in learning about who she is, and listening to what she has to say, she’ll be much more likely to want to talk with you again. More than anything, she’s very likely looking for companionship,…even if the ad says she’s looking for more. Above all, make good conversation; it’s not threatening, and it may very likely make her take interest in you…you’ve a much better shot at getting to the cunnilingus tryout, if you manage to be a cunning linguist first.

I found someone better suited for me than I ever could have imagined by responding to her ad, and what worked for me was that I was just myself, and I was just a little bit of a smartass, just enough to gently challenge her to respond. I didn’t have any real agenda, just thought she sounded interesting, and let her know that I wanted to get to know her better. What worked for me may not work for you, but the basic ideas are probably not a bad start; low on pressure, high on communication, and save the sexual advances until later. And let her take pictures of you naked if she wants them (or at least wait for her to ask for them). Happy Hunting!