Like most people I am utterly baffled by the motives at work in human relationships. And being an arty type I often look to literature for insights into this troubling subject.

Feeling a tad more angst-ridden than usual, I recently went on a serious quote-finding expedition. A Google search turned up some real beauties.

For instance, Blaise Pascal once famously opined that "the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing". You can say that again, Blaise! (Er, although he can't, of course -- being dead and all.)

H L Mencken had a similar, despairing view: "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." I reckon "the defeat of realism by stupidity" comes closer, actually. If the human heart were a bloke, he'd look like that cretinous dork on the cover of Mad
Magazine.

Not all the lines were negative, but. Some were downright gooey. Take this Swedish proverb: "A life without love is like a year without summer." Oh, isn't that sweet? I can see why that line is popular in frosty Stockholm. The joint's full of dumb blondes, after all. But I doubt it would mean much to the Hottentot tribe of the Kalahari desert, who are probably a tad more pragmatic -- not to mention sick to death of the bloody heat!

I also found several thoughts on love from a bloke called Unknown, who was very prolific indeed. (In fact, he is credited with almost as many zingers as his fellow line-meister Anonymous. Together they penned at least half of all the wisdom quotes I
found. Truly amazing! Who were those guys?)

Here's Unknown on love and language: "No words are necessary between two loving hearts." Very true. And just as well, too. With all those potent endorphins pumping through their brains the seriously smitten couldn't throw two words together if they tried. Which is why they just stare into each other's eyes, slack-jawed and dribbling...

And what of Anonymous? Well, he seemed more to the point than Unknown. Take this line: "Life is a sexually transmitted disease." He was obviously very witty. But what a negative bastard! No wonder he wanted to remain, er, himself.

Aside from the two mystery men, poets racked up most of the lines about love. Not surprisingly, Shakespeare was a top scorer. We all know this one: "If music be the food of love, play on." Hmm. Interesting concept. Makes me wonder: if it is the "food of love", then can a Barry Manilow album give you indigestion?

Edgar Allan Poe was also obsessed with affection. His most famous love-line? "We loved with a love that was more than love." My first thought: Sheesh, was this guy over-rated!  Just goes to show, you can get away with murder in the literary world if you've already made a name for yourself.

Still, reading these lyrical lines (regardless of their quality) did inspire me to create my own. I resolved to fall in love again, and write a poem about it. I didn't quite succeed, unfortunately. I fell in lust instead, and came up with a limerick:

"A nervous young fellow named Hayden,
Once met a delectable maiden,
Now intensely besotted,
His intellect rotted,
And with angst his poor heart was a-laden!"

Okay, it's crap. That last line really lets it down. If only I had a different surname -- like "Zucker" for instance...


END.


See more of Matt's politically incorrect rants and seriously twisted characters at:

www.geocities.com/matthaydenwriter