America and Britain have had many political sex scandals over the years. But down here in Australia we've had remarkably few. Until now, that is...

Yep, lately there's been a veritable orgy of 'em! There was the tragic fall (and suicide attempt) of the Liberal Party's John Brogden, then the media kerfuffle surrounding the publication of former Labor Leader Mark Latham's explosive diaries.

Of course, the Brogden scandal involved a racial smear. But claims of sexual harassment also featured heavily. There was one report that Brogden said two young women were so beautiful that they should be put in a nunnery, and that he had asked them to join him in a threesome.

Even if he had said this -- the women in question denied it, by the way -- it's pretty mild, isn't it? (If I were ever that powerful I'd be asking women to have threesomes in a nunnery.)

Brogden was also lambasted for putting his arm around a young female journalist while he was drunk and asking if she were “available”. Amazingly, this qualified as news. And the woman herself wrote an outraged column about it!

This reporting set a dangerous precedent: If a clumsy pass is deemed newsworthy, surely any event involving a sitting member's standing member is too! Think how many of those there are. Before long every daily paper will require a hundred page supplement to contain all the latest "erection coverage".

Hot on the heels of the Brogden debacle came publication of the Latham Diaries. As well as all the reheated condemnation of the blokey maverick's disastrous reign came Latham's claim that present Labor Leader Kim Beazley kept a “dirt file” on him and peddled rumours that he sexually harassed a woman.

This all goes to show that even now, years after the Clinton-Lewinsky saga, sex still has the power to rear its ugly head -- and bite the heads of state!

Speaking of ugliness: Latham himself once described politics as “showbiz for ugly people".

This was true when he said it. But it's even truer now. Hacks give politicians' sex lives a level of scrutiny usually reserved for movie and rock stars.

This is a disturbing trend. (If I were a politician myself I might say it is “un-Australian”.) If we keep holding our leaders to such puritanical standards they'll all drop out prematurely or wind up dead by their own hands!

Then there's the damage it can do to the collective psyche. Detailed descriptions of the carnal antics of such an aesthetically challenged bunch of people are bound to take their toll.

There is also the likelihood of the involvement of an even uglier group: journalists themselves.

Not possible, you say? Well, we know the powerful love to “press the flesh”. So it's a dead cert they would want to “flesh of the press” as well. (Although, if the hack in question is willing you'll never read about it in the papers.)

So, next time you see a talking head and a grizzled hack, just think: the night before they may well have been engaged in a very different kind of intercourse.

Contemplate that...if you dare.

END.

Matt Hayden, September 2005.