1. How do you typically look when you meet your date?

A. I wear my best clothes
B. I like to look good. I often bring flowers
C. I dress casually unless I want to impress the woman
D. I'm usually late and don't apologize for it, wear what I've had on all day, and rarely if ever bring anything but myself.
E. I am always armed.

2."Women are wonderful." Do you agree?

A. Yes, but I don't understand them.
B. Most always
C. Sometimes
D. They're special while we're having sex, but that's it.
E. Only when gagged and trussed up like a turkey.

3. When a woman cancels a date with you,

A. I have to actually get a date first.
B. I get a weak excuse that is barely believable
C. she says she is sorry and would like to make it another time
D. she fixes whatever is the problem because she'll never get a 2nd chance with me.
E. she moves out of town, changes her name, and gets plastic surgery

4. On my first date with a woman, I,

A. tell her about my family.
B. want to get to know all about her.
C. let her ask all the questions she wants and then I'll decide if I want to know her or not.
D. I just want to get laid.
E. she seems very worried and keeps watching my hands.

5. I think women are

A. like my mother
B. should be worshipped
C. sometimes worthwhile
D. good for sex
E. a necessary menace

6. I said something stupid to my date and she got very angry, I

A. cry and promise to do better
B. know I said something dumb and hope my apology works
C. think she should consider the mood I was in when i said it.
D. think she'll get over it but if she doesn't, there are more fish in the sea
E. can let the air out of her tires.

7. For Valentine's Day,

A. I get a card from Mom
B. I send cards to my girlfriend, but rarely receive one
C. I get a few cards but never send one
D. I get a lot of dumb cards  but only send some if I think it will help me get laid.
E. I get no cards and all women are to blame. 

8. I get dates 

A. through Mom's friends.
B. by spending more money on them than anyone else would.
C. it's a matter of numbers.  If I ask enough women I usually get a date.
D. without effort and often I receive invitations to go out.
E. often but not all of them last the whole evening.

9. When I am at a bar,

A. I don't go to bars
B. I am too shy to talk with women
C. I can get a phone number but wait too long to use it and by then she's forgotten me.
D. I easily pick up women for casual sex.
E. I usually drink until they throw me out. 

10. When women end a relationship with me, it's usually because

A. I know I'm boring.
B. She finds someone new.
C. we argue and fuss most of the time
D. she caught me fooling around with someone else.
E. I threatened her life

11. When I decide to get married,

A. I want someone to take care of me.
B. I want to live like the Cleavers with lots of kids
C. I want a wife but maybe no kids
D. I'll never settle down.
E. I might be a wanted man. 

12. Marriage

A. is for adults
B. is the way I want to spend my life
C. might be nice for a while
D. is not an option unless she's rich and beautiful and doesn't mind if I have other lovers
E. is impossible

13. If I ever got married I would

A. want Mom to like her
B. be faithful to my vows
C. be faithful, and if I couldn't be faithful I'd make sure she never found out or got hurt.
D. be faithful until I got a really good offer
E. make her wear a chastity belt.

14. I get laid

A. I've never been laid
B. at least once a year
C. once a month
D. every day and sometimes more
E. I think I get screwed more than I get laid.

15. Look at your charge card bills. Those related to women are

A. for my family.
B. for dinners, flowers, presents, plays and gifts.
C. for sports events, dinner, concerts, occasionally flowers
D. I never pay unless it's to buy beer.
E. for spy equipment.

Grade your test by awarding:

0 Points for each "A" answer 
1 Point   for each "B" answer
2 Points for each "C" answer 
3 Points for each "D" answer
4 Points for each "E" answer

Total your score and compare your results to the remarks below:

0-8 MAMA'S BOY

Go back home where you belong. There is no woman who will put up with your obsession with your perfect mother. When your mother dies, try the test again.

9-22 MR. NICE GUY

You poor thing. You are everything a girl thinks she wants but not what she is attracted to. Women chew you up and spit you out. You rarely get laid. There is no thrill of victory when a women snares you in her trap. She wants you but she's not attracted to you for very long.

23-37 MR. IN BETWEEN

Sometimes you are Mr. Nice Guy, and sometimes Mr. WEIRDO. If you get the woman you want you're Mr. Nice Guy, but if you don't, you treat her like Mr. Weirdo. 

38-52 MR. WEIRDO

Mr. Weirdo gets most of the women he seeks, but he can't keep them for very long. Women are attracted to the bad boy he is and the thrill of the forbidden. Thankfully, all the women wake up and leave him for Mr. In Between and Mr. Nice Guy.  Think Mike Tyson.

53-60 MR. PSYCHO

You should be in therapy. Seriously. There are things about your behavior towards women that are in need of repair. 

Ladies, don't spend a moment with these fellows, they have a chromosome or two out of whack.  Fortunately they are rare, so stick with the ones that will cause you no harm.