Since the onset of online personal ad sites, computer dating has become a VERY popular way of recruiting pen pals, lovers, spouses and playing partners. It is a whole different dynamic however, then meeting someone in person, feeling the chemistry, and deciding to go further from there. So much so, that it has created a whole new set of rules, opportunities and challenges.

As a SexyAds devotee, I have had several ads over the year that I have been using this great site, and I have tried several different approaches to attract the type of gentleman that I want to spend time with. I have also written many ads for men to help them become successful in attracting the type of woman they seek. I have many friends on this site with whom I have conferred and we share experiences all the time.

The rules are pretty much dictated by the women (don't tell anyone, but pussy rules on or off the computer <grin>). The men seem to rebel against these rules (by not writing ads) until they realize that they are still dateless for yet another Friday night!!! The women they know are double and triple booking (knowing the chances of their dates chickening out) and going crazy with notes trying to remember who is who, what their screen name is, their ad name and what their email address is. I have a notebook that I write in all the info I need to have handy when that phone rings and the guy says, "Hi this is Mike." Do you have any idea how many Mikes there are out there????

Hopefully, I have my book handy and I can ask his screen name, or SexyAds name, or Yahoo name, or MSN name or AOL name, lol and hopefully I have it in the book!!! Seems that we all have several different platforms from which we network ourselves and trying to keep it all straight can be incredibly stressful for some women. Many men wish they had this stress, and they easily could if they would follow a few guidelines!

Women think differently then men and there are no two ways about it. The men whom I have helped write successful ads that target women, have thanked me profusely for explaining to them how their original ad "read" and what it "said" about them to women reading it. Many times what was read was not what was meant at all. So, the challenge of communicating in a new way, for a new result is AWARENESS.

Because you are introducing yourself in "type", there are NO additional clues about your personality, how you dress, your personal hygiene habits, your expressions, your dashing smile or twinkling eyes, etc. One has to be AWARE enough to know how to portray these things in writing so that you can cast a reasonably accurate picture of yourself that you want the reader to pick up on.

RULES:

1) CHOOSE A CATCHY CLEVER HANDLE: soandso69 is NOT original! A good handle can speak volumes as to your intelligence, wit and what you have to offer.  Get creative here. The sky is the limit so have fun with it and be original!!  (This will be one of the things that sets you apart from the masses).

2) FILL OUT A PROFILE as accurately as you can. If you need to clarify your curiosity or experience level, do so in the ad. If you check off something that is not exactly true to you but you had no other choice, expound on it in the ad. Watersports means "giving or receiving golden showers" not hot tub play! BDSM means bondage, discipline, sado-masochism not BigDarlingSingleMale (ok so I made that one up)! Long term relationship means person is open to sharing time for more then a one night stand. Casual sex means one night stands are acceptable! BBW means big beautiful woman not big black woman. The rest are self-explanatory and not often misinterpreted.

3) WRITE AN AD. This is one of the most important factors in being successful in getting a date. We need to be given the opportunity to get a sense of someone we might want to spend time with (even if it is just for GREAT nasty sex). Since this is the venue that you have chosen to attract me, I want to know what I am getting into. If you do not write an ad, I will think you have little or nothing to say, in which case, you are probably BORING and you will be "culled" from my stack of choices. Be creative and honest. Put your best effort forward and you will attract someone of like quality. One mistake I find a lot is that a person has one age on his/her profile, and states a different age in the ad. This tells me that he/she lied in one of the two areas and it immediately sends up a red flag. Tell me what you have to offer me, as well as what you like. Those who are self-absorbed and just talk about themselves, usually bore me to tears after ten minutes in person. I can spot this type right off from the ad. Try to charm your readers into finding out more about you and give them a reason why their lives would be enhanced by knowing you. Make them smile. THIS really gets results!!!

Check your spelling!! DUH! Why? Cuz you can!!

Things NOT to write in your ad from a woman's perspective are:

· "No strings fun." This is not necessary to state here. We have already seen in your profile that you checked off the "casual sex" box and NOT the "long term relationship" box. It is preposterous to think that anyone would assume any length of term on a first date so by saying "No Strings" again in different terminology is a major turn off to me. It also says that you are just interested in filling a hole and believe it or not, even women who adore lots of hot and nasty sex, do not wish to be considered as just a hole to fill!! Besides, EVERY man wants that and we can get that anywhere, but what we want is someone who can make us feel special while they are getting what they want!!

► Your age, height, body type, where you live, gender and marital status are all clearly known from your profile. You do not have to reiterate any of these in the ad. But if you do, make sure they match!! Duh!

► When a man says he is 56 but has the body of a 36 year old, and the sex drive of a 19 year old, we women roll our eyes. That is just too vain and silly!!! Avoid saying it. We want to know who you are NOW, and could care less what your body was like 20 years ago. We already know where your mind is. LOL. It also tells me that you are insecure about who you are and are the type who is going to be constantly asking me if you are sexy enough, good enough, manly enough and the like. Personally, I am not interested in giving constant validation so that would turn me off. At 56, he should be more mature.  LOL

► Saying that you can make love all night long simply is not so!! We wish it was, and it sounds tempting, but seriously, our experience tells us that it is not possible. Embellishing your sexual prowess is dubious at best!!

If you aren't going to do it in person, then don't say it in your ad. Same goes for giving oral for HOURS. Saying you love giving oral is a good thing to say, but be ready to do so because if a man does not do oral, he usually is not asked back (I would say that might be true for women also). The best thing to say here is "LOVE giving and receiving oral pleasures."

<smile>.

► Unless you are absolutely certain that you have measured correctly, stating your penis size can be a big mistake. Saying "well endowed" (if 7 inches or bigger) is safer. Measuring a hard penis from the top of it where it meets the tummy (not the underside) on up to the tip is how length is determined. If you are going to send a pic of it, take a pic from the side not from the front, and please, no hands. And don't bother sending 15 pics of the same angle, one will do nicely. Women aren't turned on by "cum" shots so save those for the guys.

► Men seem to think that women like lots of cum. WRONG!!! That fact can be left out too.

► Avoid being negative or using terms that degrade women. If you say something like "no bimbos, no gold diggers, no fat chicks," chances are you have baggage and your past experiences remain a thorn in your side. Huge turn off!!! Turn this around to say "love intelligent, self-made, fit women." Never use the "C" word, pussy is fine, "tits" are better called breasts. Nasty language is fine in the bedroom and you can say you like to talk dirty during sex. But to attract a woman, best to keep it respectful and positive in the ad.

4) PUT UP A FACE PIC. (I like people who aren't afraid to be themselves, and I think most others do too). It tells your ad readers that you have a strong sense of self-confidence (whether you really do or not). It says that this person is willing to take the risk, put himself/herself out there in sincerity and be judged simply from this pic and what he/she writes. Many times one can tell just from the pic if an attraction is there, and if not, it has saved a whole lot of time and energy. Even if you do not consider yourself attractive, believe it or not, there are so many people out there just dying to love someone, that your face pic might just be the most beautiful looking face they have ever seen in their life.

There is simply no way to tell what will attract someone so put it out there and be you!! Caveat: It is wise to put a recent pic that does not embellish you in any way. Men should have no hat to hide that receding hairline, no dark glasses and don't hide behind that Harley!!! We want to see YOU not that stupid bike <snicker>. Women should not put a pic of themselves from ten years ago and 50 lbs lighter!!! Glamour shots are risky because unless you are going to meet him with the same "look", he might be totally disappointed and leave you at the dinner table. LOL. The excuse of not having a pic simply does not fly. No one in his/her right mind will meet someone who does not present a pic. There are exceptions to this but of all the times that I have not demanded a pic before I met the person, I was bitterly sorry I hadn't!! You can go to Kinkos most anywhere in the world, or any copy center near you and get them to scan one for you. If you are looking for a discreet relationship and don't feel comfortable showing your face, then look away from the camera or block out the identifying bits.    Any excuse for not having a pic is completely unacceptable these days so do your homework if you want success!!!

5) WRITE TO THE LADIES and GENTLEMEN. Don't just sit there checking your email daily hoping someone has taken notice of your fabulous ad!!! You have to diligently go through the ads and write to the ones who pique your fancy.

One thing many women complain about when they get responses to their ads is that the men have not fully read their ad. If you respond to an ad, be sure you fit a majority of the criteria in the ad i.e. if she states she ONLY wants to hear from SINGLE gentleman and you are married, you are setting yourself up for rejection right off. Women get a lot of responses so they have many options to choose from. Remember, if you wrote to me, it's a given that many others have also. Think to yourself, "what can I say to get her attention?" and then go from there. In writing your initial email to introduce yourself, keep in mind that this is your FIRST impression and you need to master the skills necessary to get a return here. Have an edge. Be charming, informative, gracious, and sincere (those few things are enough of an edge to hear back from me). Add a little mystery as well and don't be afraid to be witty. Nothing holds the attention more then a smile or a laugh so go for the gusto and most of all, be your best self. One-liners usually get nowhere with me. Don't lie about anything, especially your age, your marital status or your penis size. Most people want a REAL person. Present who you really are so that when you do get a date, you don't have to feel stupid or apologetic for not looking like your date had been made to perceive.

One time I went out with a man who had told me he had only one arm. I said that was not a problem, but when I got there, he was also missing both legs. Boy was that a shock!!! Deception to get a date can hurt YOU more than it hurts the poor date. Not only do you feel like a complete fool, but you have wasted YOUR time and your energy...... not to mention the bad karma that you have now created. For every cause, there is an effect.... don't be the cause!! Just be YOU..... and be the BEST you that you are.... If you find that you are not getting any responses to your emails, you need to go back and rewrite your ad. Ask a person of the opposite sex to read it and tell you what they interpreted you to say and make adjustments where needed. After reading this article, I trust you will take action and get to experience success sooner then later.

As for the opportunities in this venue, well they are certainly endless. People from all over the world have connected with people they never would have/could have ever connected with without the computer!! Housebound, ill, old and young have found a way to open up their horizons and reach out to a vast world of new and exciting friendships and relationships. It is so exciting to meet this way because I, for one, do not like the bar scene. It is basically safe; although my very first romance on here turned out to be a same sex affair and I didn't know it. LOL. To my naive dismay, I was in cyber love with another woman who was posing as a man!!! That brings us to the challenges.

The challenges of trying to pick out a suitable person with which to date and spend time with are easier to solve then at first glance. Many  questions are raised to me when being asked by non-computer daters such as, "Aren't you afraid of meeting whackos?" or "How do you know you won't get killed or hurt?" Yes, there are many many whackos on the net, and I HAVE indeed met my fair share of them. But they are no more prevalent on the net then they are out in the real-time world so that point is moot. And I may very well be a whacko myself!!! It takes all kinds. One of the most valuable things that I can advise everyone is to try to never take anything personally. Be open minded. There IS someone out there to fill your need, your secret desire, your wants. Don't ever give up because you are afraid of rejection, or because you think you have too little to offer, or because the last ten people didn't answer your sweet sincere email. Live in the moment. Create your life as you wish to live it!!! Don't settle for anything less then you want and just BE. I think the bottom line is this: almost everyone wants the same thing out of life and that is, we all want the opportunity to love and to have our love reciprocated.

What better coverage of options are there out there then SexyAds and the like? It is a fabulous way to open doors, broaden horizons, and truly meet some rare and like-minded people (not to mention the endless supply of hot and hornyhorny people they continue to provide!! Mmmm yummy <very wicked grin>).

If you're a SexyAds member, you may write to wisewoman@sexyads.com