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 Orgasmic
Variety
By the Sex Coach
In terms of
orgasms and sex education, most boys start out shooting in the
dark, learning about their bodies on the go-as-you-grow plan.
Lack of information and sexual habit lead many men to assume
that all orgasms are the same. Actually, they encompass a wide
range from very meek to very wild.
From lack of knowledge and the right experience, many men are
unaware of some of the basics, such as the fact that orgasm
and ejaculation are two separate events. They are usually
layered on top of each other so that an ejaculation feels
orgasmic. However, men can have orgasms without
ejaculating—it’s surprising that so many guys and their lovers
don’t know that.
Orgasm is really a package plan. It’s a physical release, but
what really makes it intense—or not—is the mental and
emotional accompaniment. Sometimes the physical pleasure
intensifies the mental and emotional excitement. Sometimes the
flood of emotions pumps the physical pleasure to bold new
heights.
While every man is unique, some factors dull an
orgasm—exhaustion, stress, guilt, fear, substance abuse, some
medications, boredom, haunting memories, low self-esteem. Some
factors enhance an orgasm—good health, relaxation, intimacy,
love, heightened sensuality, erotic novelty, delayed
gratification, freedom of sexual expression, passion.
The Low Road
The lowest levels of orgasmic response are the bare
minimum, sex under the most unappealing of conditions.
Sometimes you might ejaculate and feel next to nothing, a
mistimed squirt. Maybe you’re providing a sperm sample or
maybe you’re trying to have sex with your entirely exhausted
body—it’s a dull dribbler.
Not much better is when fear, resentment, acute sexual
boredom, depression, or something else eclipses your sexual
interest. Perhaps you consent to have sex with someone even
though your heart and mind really aren’t into it; you’re too
shy or embarrassed to say no. In the end, you feel empty.
Middle of the Road
The mid-range of orgasmic response features pleasing yet
relatively unemotional sex. Fast-food recreational sex could
be anything from masturbating to porn to friendship sex to
pleasant yet routine sex with a spouse or lover. Like a first
cup of coffee or a beer after work, it’s both expected and
habitual.
The intrigue suddenly spikes when something new gets added—a
new partner, a new way of having sex, or new surroundings.
Variety is the spice of life, and the pattern gets broken. It
could be a vacation to a resort, hot tub party, a surprised
shaved pussy, a visit to a swing club, a threesome, a bondage
experiment, watching porn together, or a zillion other things.
Whatever it is, it charges the air with excitement.
Then comes love. Love adds a whole new dimension to sex. As
soon as some bewitching person casts a spell on you, sex is
not the same. While orgies can be wildly thrilling, nothing
has the long-lasting staying power as sex with someone you
respect. The thrill of being loved is knowing that somebody
accepts you, delights in you, and is hungry for you.
New lovers, in particular, heap tons of affection onto each
other. As love cascades into sex, more sensuality enters the
arena: hand-holding, face-caressing, gentle touching, deep
kissing, passionate hugging, and contented cuddling.
Expanding sensuality often brings surprising new intensity to
orgasms.
Sometimes new love comes at the expense of old love, such as
with extramarital affairs. A fresh new face (and mind) can
awaken us from the doldrums, with amazingly hot sex that leads
to sumptuous, emotion-filled orgasms. Unfortunately, this
route often leads to tremendous frustration and marital
disaster as a by-product.
The High Road
Orgasmic response deepens when emotions run high, and
nothing does that more than being naked—physically, mentally,
emotionally. When someone loves you and wants you even with
all your dark secrets laid bare, you’ve struck gold. A couple
that has weathered several emotional storms, confessions, and
disasters shares a deeper connection than a dreamy-eyed couple
still feeding on shared fantasies.
So what does this have to do with orgasms? The less you have
to hide from someone, the freer you feel to be yourself. You
let go of all inhibitions and all hesitancy. Emotions gush,
love abounds, and that leads to exquisite sex with
head-spinning orgasms.
Besides having emotional rapport, couples with history
together play with each other’s secret turn-ons. Crawling all
around inside someone’s mind, they know just what words to
whisper hotly, just what fantasy images to share, just what
body poses to strike, just what sensations to provide. They
know just what to do and when.
It also takes deep trust for many people to explore their
riskier sexual fantasies, and this can lead to awesome
experiences. People at this level experience sex with a sense
of childlike wonder wrapped in adult respect for each other.
It’s sex with integrity, and whatever happens here is fine
because no one makes crass, insensitive demands.
From this level, some people venture into exploring the
spiritual side of sex. This blending of Eros and holiness
creates a profound experience filled with deeply personal
meaning. Sex on the high road is not about athletic
performance, sex toys, or erotic costumes; it’s about heart
and soul. All sex is fabulous because you’re loving each other
more than proving how great you are. In this frame of mind,
mere cuddling, combined with meditative consciousness, can
produce full-bodied shudders of delicious intensity sometimes
called energy orgasms.
The high road also includes multiple orgasms for both men and
women. Nature may have intended multiple orgasms to be a
natural way to experience prolonged ecstasy. By being in a
shared heightened orgasmic state for five minutes to an hour
or more, your brain enters an ecstatic state. Wave after wave
of orgasmic feeling crashes through you, leaving you basking
in an incredible glow—a true ecstatic experience. No wonder
the famous sexologist Havelock Ellis wrote, “Sexual pleasure,
widely used and not abused, may prove the stimulus and
liberation of our finest and most exalted activities.”
Editor's Note:
The Sex Coach welcomes feedback from all his readers, whether
you're a rookie or a veteran.
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