| Hot
Talk
At a recent hot tub party, an attractive wife approached her husband
whose face hovered over platters of party food. She'd been soaking nude
with friends. A big smile grew on his face when he saw her wrapped up sexily in
a towel.
"You slut!" he said.
"I saw you out there."
A startled expression crossed her face. "I am not a slut," she said.
"Oh, but you are," he said.
"I love it when you're a slut,too."
"I am not a slut," she repeated, wincing at the suggestion.
I quickly pieced together what was happening. The husband enjoyed the notion of his wife being a center of attention in the hot tub. It turned
him on. In his mind, he was being complimentary.
He told me privately,
"I think of a slut as a woman who loves her body and enjoys arousing men
and women."
His wife, on the other hand, heard the word slut in a negative context.
"When I was growing up," she told me privately,
"a slut meant a despicable woman. She only thought of herself. She'd steal boyfriends or husbands
without shame."
Semantic misunderstanding like this is common, especially in sexual matters.
People use the same words, but unfortunately, with different meanings. Many buzzwords like
that - slut, whore, cunt, prick - are often used in pornography to excite readers or viewers.
In real life, they're often used to insult, degrade, and vent anger.
The erotic bombing run
Many people enjoy talking nasty to heighten their erotic pleasure, but getting there is sometimes an exercise in frustration. Men often make the
fatal mistake of the erotic bombing run.
That's when a guy thinks he can
sexually arouse a woman by talking nasty to her in cyberspace or
face-to-face. Hey, it works in the porn movies! Real life sometimes throws
a curve ball back. The woman may not be prepared for talk like
that and
instantly turns into an ice queen.
I remember once when I was wildly infatuated with a woman, body and soul. We had not had sex together, and one night my hunger became overpowering.
I finally blurted out, thinking it was manly, "I really want to fuck
you."
Big mistake. Moments later, she tearfully asked me to leave. My use of the f-word was too much for her. I did not yet know about her history as
an incest survivor, and how my use of that word put chilling memories front
and center.
Especially in America, sexual slang is extremely neurotic. We use similar sex words to describe both sex and violence. Calling a male a prick or a
female a cunt, for example, uses perfectly lovely sex words as humiliating
attack words.
To further confuse things, some women think nothing about describing the
'dick-brains' at work, yet throw tantrums of indignation if you say anything endearing about your own dick, such as how turgid it's
gotten.
While some women enjoy nasty chatter even from strangers, many don't. It's an acquired taste. Generally, women don't grow up craving it as
men often do. If it's important to you to include nasty talk in your bedroom
scenes, it pays to carefully set the stage for it. Treat it as something
special, like fine music, fine wine, or fine art.
Some hot talking tips
1. Talking provides a great way to get someone's libido cooking, especially when you know how to speak the right language. The right
language is an individual matter, of course. Get to know your partner's language
preferences, then use them.
2. Know your partner's sexual or religious history before you go frothing off at the mouth. One key is to listen carefully to the sex words she
uses; that will show how comfy she is with hot talk. Another approach is to ask
how she feels about erotic language and what words she especially enjoys.
3. Many women staunchly resist talking dirty when they feel you just want
someone - anyone - to sound like a porn whore for your own pleasure. Your
woman needs to feel special about playing hot talk games with you. Trades are
good here. If she singes your ears with words of fire one evening, give her
something later that she adores, like a romantic meal or granting a
special nonsexual request. Remember, real life porn stars get paid to talk dirty;
it's their job.
4. If your woman is shy, be sensitive to her inner struggle to utter that gutter talk.
Give her time to ease into it. Praise her lavishly when she says
or writes something hot you especially like.
5. Separate nasty talk from degrading talk. People can talk nasty - "I want to suck your awesome cock" or
"Your pussy juice tastes so sweet" - without sounding
demeaning. A woman's distaste for sex talk often reflects her desire for sex to mean something special. If that describes
your woman, phrase your hot talk in such a way that she knows you regard her as
special.
6. One way to make hot talk more appealing for many women is to blend nasty words with pretty words and positive emotional statements, such as
"I am so fucking happy here with you." Since women often like to hear how
you feel more than rhetoric about body parts, this goes down much better. The
net effect: instead of sounding like sex & violence, you sound like sex &
bliss.
7. Timing is everything, too. Nasty talk when she's not in the mood might annoy her. Sex words will go down more favorably when she's physically
good to go. If you say positive things with your nasty words, she'll likely
create positive associations. Degrade her, and it'll just get messy.
8. Unless you know otherwise, be sparing in your sex word use. Nasty talk can become overkill and unarousing when constantly used. Dish it out like
a gourmet chef. Save it for those optimum moments.
9. Keep it fun, especially if hot talk doesn't come easily. It's not as serious as armed combat.
Good luck!
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