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 Erotic
Beauty
By the Sex Coach
So here you
are, a man of the real world. Perhaps you’re looking for love
and searching for the best lady to fill the role of life
companion. Or perhaps you've already chosen a mate, and as the
years roll by, you wonder if you made the best choice—so many
other captivating women are out there wandering around looking
gorgeous.
Huddle up, guys, I want to share some thoughts about sexual
beauty and satisfaction. Most guys are visual. They love to
watch a good-looking woman. There's absolutely nothing wrong
with that. Yet when shopping for a long—and perhaps permanent—
relationship, it pays to search for beauty in many different
places. Quite frankly, even if the woman you choose looks like
a centerfold girl, there's much more to sexual satisfaction
than a woman's looks.
Attuning Your Eyes to the Beauty Trap
One of love’s lessons to dawn on me during my young adulthood
was that the women I thought looked fabulous did not
necessarily feel fabulous in my arms. Or put another way, some
women who felt superb in my arms did not have bodies that
Playboy or Cosmo would feature on a cover. It occurred to me
that the standard of beauty I had been raised with was
primarily visual, yet I got tremendous pleasure from tactile
beauty, or, how someone felt when pressed up close.
It was also around that time that I went to a sex workshop. In
one exercise, we were asked to choose a partner who was a
turn-on. The person I chose had an incredible body. Yummy to
the max. But, as I discovered during the exercise, she seldom
smiled and was perpetually aloof in her conversation. Icy to
the max. As the weekend progressed, I realized that I enjoyed
myself much more with women whose personalities warmed and
welcomed me, even if they did not have stellar magazine cover
looks.
Over the years, I’ve seen many guys get beaten up royally by
following their sexual passions based primarily on looks. They
feel the heat generated by women with mouthwatering bodies,
and they become obsessed with the chase. A chemical engineer I
knew used to proudly display his wife to the world, especially
after her fabulous figure appeared in Playboy. She was the
center of attention at company beer busts. Yet once her
appetite for fame was lit by appearing in the magazine, their
marriage rapidly fizzled to divorce. He paid an enormous
emotional price for his preoccupation with great looks.
Does any of this sound familiar? Has your sex life been less
than fulfilling because the women you choose are all looks and
no substance? If you’ve been stung by disappointments like
these, it’s time to ponder the whole process of dating or mate
selection. What are you truly looking for?
Re-defining Sexual Satisfaction
Culture primarily defines beauty as visual. I would like to
see much more attention placed on other forms of beauty--
imagination, sensuality, sense of humor, erotic ingenuity,
emotional depth, warmth of spirit. If more people thought of
beauty in broader terms than specific body types, happiness
would be more abundant and achievable.
Have you wondered what truly makes you happy sexually? The sex
media most commonly depicts it as having great orgasms, but I
think it goes far deeper that that. It involves how you feel
sharing an intimate experience with another human being. It
involves the communication that occurs and the good ways that
each other’s minds are aroused. It also involves all the
physical senses and the stimulation they receive.
Complete sexual satisfaction often involves sharing deep
secrets, fantasies, kinks, even fears—and knowing that no
matter how weird you think you are, someone else thinks you’re
just fine. You know you‘re loved for who you are, no matter
how imperfect and impoverished you think you are.
It’s only natural for eyes to stray to great beauties, but for
complete sexual satisfaction, it pays to look at the full
spectrum of qualities that would make you a happy camper.
Consider other traits of sexual beauty such as these:
Erotic imagination: Look for a woman whose wild erotic
imagination launches you into orbits of pleasure you’ve never
soared to before. You never quite know what to expect!
Verbal skills: Some women can rivet you with a sizzling
sex story or blow sultry sayings in your ear with incredible
finesse. That’s a golden talent.
Warmth: Unlike ice queens, some women would melt you
with smiles as you stroke their breasts or as they
enthusiastically fish inside your underwear. They make sex
cozy.
Sensual technique: Some women excel at sensual beauty,
like how they touch your body or suck your tongue or move
their hips when you’re planted inside.
Empathy: Tired of women who don’t understand you? Look
for one whose display of empathy and compassion for your
feelings melts your heart.
Partnership: Tired of women who make you feel like a
gladiator in a sexual power struggle? Seek out one who makes
you feel like a respected half of a couple.
Sense of Adventure: If you’re fond of sexual adventure,
look for a partner who plays your way. Perhaps she will be
your love slave or your orgy partner or your fantasy
whore—someone you can entrust your vulnerability to without
betrayal or ridicule.
Sensitivity: When you’re tired of nasty sex, you may
want to savor romance with a sensitive woman. Sex can also be
tender, and a woman who can provide this experience is a sweet
prize.
Sense of Humor: Maybe you’ve never learned how sexy
laughter can be. A lover with a great sense of humor can show
you the aphrodisiac qualities of mirth.
These traits are all forms of beauty. Each one contributes to
sexual happiness, and for the most part they have nothing to
do with how the body looks. To find true sexual happiness,
check out your assumptions about sexual beauty. If you’re
disproportionately focused on good looks, chances are you’re
missing out on lovers and experiences that could make a big
splash in your cavalcade of erotic memories.
Editor's Note:
The Sex Coach welcomes feedback from all his readers, whether
you're a rookie or a veteran.
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