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Common Male Foreplay Blunders
By
The Sex Coach
Met your fair share of sexual
rejection lately? Has your lady seemed less than satisfied?
Your Sex Coach has gathered up some common foreplay blunders
men make and gives you tips for turning them around.
1. Minimalist Foreplay
It's legendary: most women like more foreplay than men do. Men
focus in on breasts, asses, and genitals and like to hurry the
action along, claiming grazing rights on the woman's body as
quickly as possible. Longing gazes and cuddling don't hold the
same appeal as heaving bosoms and flowing pussy juices.
What you can do: Naturally, you
can take more time. Slow down. Make a deliberate effort to
warm up a woman's whole body before zeroing in on her boobs.
She'll be much happier, and you may learn that you like
extended foreplay yourself once you experiment with it.
Another trick is to invent foreplay experiences you'd like.
Foreplay is not just physical arousal; it's also mental
arousal. Yours and hers. Thus, it includes such pleasures as
soaking in the hot tub, sensuous massages, swimming nude, a
romantic walk in the woods, erotic conversation, dressing to
tease, cybersex, etc. Pull out the stops.
Women learned long ago the art of the tease, of building
erotic suspense, of making men wait for dessert. Men generally
haven't been taught this skill, and yet it's a dynamite
strategy. Women expect men to be a sexual pushover, always
ready to go, and when he applies the brakes, she's no longer
in control.
2. Mechanical Foreplay
Men are often criticized for foreplay techniques that resemble
paint-by-numbers routines. Men adore women's bodies but often
forget to pay attention to their minds. The end result is that
women feel pawed and pummeled. This is what most women mean
when they say they feel they're being treated as sex objects.
What you can do: Touch a woman's
heart and soul by talking to her. Really. A man who can talk
to a woman about anything when her nipples are showing--not
just about how much he wants to fuck, which is assumed--gets
high marks. Meanwhile, a man who knows a woman well enough to
arouse her imagination with things she especially likes to
hear can ignite flames of passion like a blowtorch. More than
most men, most women speak an emotional language. When a woman
complains about mechanical lovemaking, it usually means she
wants to see more emotion from her man. She wants to break
through the tough macho exterior and find the sensitive lover
(yet not a wimp) inside.
3. Insensitive Foreplay
For years pretty women have endured the unwanted attention of
men obsessed with carnal satisfaction. Their come-ons have
been made ugly by their insensitivity. I think of
insensitivity here as putting your own sexual agenda far ahead
of the feelings or wishes of the person you want to seduce.
She has a headache, but you don't care. She wants to watch her
favorite TV show, but you want a blowjob instead. Anytime she
says something, no matter how innocent, you put a sexual spin
on it. Flopping her onto the bed is more important than
cleaning yourself up or creating a romantic atmosphere.
What you can do: Men often don't
catch on to this one until it's too late and the woman they
love has gone. However, the best thing you can do is ask your
partner how you can be a better lover. Listen to her without
arguing. You may not like what she says, but you'll learn what
she wants. For example, she may tell you that your breath is
awful and your slobbery kisses disgust her. That's not fun to
hear, but her honesty gives you a chance to improve yourself.
Honest communication about what you like and dislike sexually
is a golden key for creating what you both like.
4. Manipulative Foreplay
Manipulative foreplay is sexual harassment, which, in this
context, is when a guy uses intimidation, mental cruelty, or
deception to meet his sexual agenda. He tricks, drugs,
threatens, or overpowers a woman into putting out for him.
What you can do: Realize that when
you manipulate a woman for sex, your prize is false glory. You
know she didn't go to bed with you because she likes you or
thinks you're awesome. You tricked her. You also tricked
yourself because sex under phony or coercive pretenses is
nowhere near as juicy and satisfying as the real deal. It's
like winning a rigged sporting event. Yeah, you won, but you
know you had to cheat to do it. Sex by manipulation usually
isn't about sex anyway. It's more of a desperate attempt to
feel good by conquering or possessing someone. It would be
better to find another way to feel good. You'll see why as
soon as you enjoy a sexual relationship in a more honest way.
5. Nasty Foreplay
Many men love dirty, in-your-face sex play and often have a
horrible time finding women who are truly happy providing it.
Men often blunder badly trying to get their honey to talk
nasty or show their booty in a halfway exciting fashion.
What you can do: This would be a
good time to discuss different sex styles with your honey (as
we did in a previous Sex Coach column). Explain to her that
you occasionally want sleazy sex. Tell her specifically what
you want her to say and do. Spare her from guessing. She'll
most likely be willing to do it your way when you show you're
willing to do it her way, too. With a new woman, go gently. If
she gives clear signals that hot talk makes her quiver in
delight, unleash your tongue. Otherwise, turn up the heat
gradually, and remember that for many women, learning how to
talk nasty is learning a foreign language.
Of course, in every lovemaking (or steamy sex) scenario, it
takes two. Women are just as capable of foreplay blunders as
men are. Next time we'll discuss what those blunders are and
what you can do.
.Editor's Note: The Sex Coach
welcomes feedback from all his readers, whether you're a rookie
or a veteran. You can email him with your thoughts at:
Pillowtongue@yahoo.com
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