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 Great
Beginnings
By the Sex Coach
Nothing
helps move an erotic interlude along like a great beginning.
Like the first few minutes of a movie, the beginning of a
sexual encounter (with a stranger or with a long-time lover)
sets the stage for the climax to come. When you look back
through your mental scrapbook or erotic highlights, chances
are that what you remember the most is how it began.
Ever watch nature shows on TV? They often show animals—and
even plants—performing exotic mating rituals. Usually it’s one
gender performing seductive magic to intrigue the other one
into some hot nookie. You need to do the same thing whether
you’re geared toward reproduction of your species or just
striving for a wild night in the sack.
The Surprise Ingredient of a Great Beginning
Most men fantasize about being seduced by a hot-blooded
vixen. Movies pepper us with visions of women pulling off
erotic stunts to snatch our attention. “Yoo-hoo, look at
this,” she lilts. At the right moment, she spreads her legs
and shows the startled observer that she left her panties
home. She smiles. She’s eager to please. This is a great
beginning.
Great beginnings vary widely. They are individual. If you’ve
had a thousand nights of hot sex with your woman, seeing her
spread her legs one more time may not send you into fits of
rapture. You may need another kind of jumpstart. Perhaps you
need her to recite your favorite erotic fantasy—like the one
you’re too nervous to tell her.
Indeed, one ingredient of a great beginning is surprise. It
can be as simple as feeling her tongue pop into your mouth
when you’re not expecting it. Or it can be something more
elaborate like a strip tease or a handful of crotch on a night
walk along a nature trail. It can be something that requires
planning like, “Honey, I’ve asked Jeannie to stop by and sit
on your face.”
Safety and Security
Many lovers launch into sexual surprises yet don’t take
into account that security issues need to be addressed. Some
people have much heartier appetites for surprises than others
do. They love to be ambushed by something wild and
unpredictable. For others, surprise just brings up fear, and
fear is a major downer to great sex. Fear of pregnancy,
infections, failure, rejection, ridicule, pain, punishment,
commitment, being discovered or arrested—they are all roadside
distractions for one’s sex drive.
When you’re leading someone down the path of a great
beginning, address your (intended) lover’s fears. Make it safe
for that person. When you want to push the envelope—such as
taking your honey to a nude beach when she squirms at the
thought of being naked in public— be sensitive to her sexual
history and anxieties.
A big problem with surprises is failure to think them through.
You know, hubby plans a hot erotic encounter with his wife and
doesn’t take into account that her period started the night
before. Or, girlfriend wants to seduce boyfriend with new
naughty nighties and sex toys and chooses the night just
before his major business presentation to demand his
attention. Surprise with sensitivity!
Great Beginnings to Try
Here is a starter kit of some great beginnings to try.
Previews of Coming Attractions: Before a planned date,
write your honey a love letter, email, or fax. Describe how
you yearn to make love, and use specifics so she knows you’re
dreaming about him or her. Tease your lover’s imagination and
let it soak for a day or two before you get together in the
flesh.
Building Suspense: Create a date and make a rule that
as wildly as you talk about sex, you can’t act it out
physically for a set period of time. Parks or other public
places are good for this. When you’ve talked up a storm
sharing your sexual fantasies or desires, then find sanctuary,
take off your clothes, and sizzle.
Blind Leading the Blind: Introduce novelty into a
sexual encounter through sensory deprivation—take away a sense
or two with blind folds, ear plugs, or some other restraint.
Handless Passion: Make love without anyone using hands. Enjoy
the awkwardness, laugh out loud, and explore new ways to
ignite passion. This one is also good to relieve first-timer
anxiety with a new partner.
Tripping: Travel ignites passions for many people. Take
a romantic cruise, stay a week at the lake, or escape for a
spontaneous overnighter. Whatever you do, new surroundings
bring erotic adventure, especially in exotic places like
Rio,
Hawaii,
Paris, and Amsterdam. Treat yourself to romance.
The Extra Slow Hand: Stroke your honey with a supersoft
touch for at least twenty minutes, avoiding the erogenous
zones. After you’ve aroused her that way, ever so slowly make
constantly narrowing circles around her breasts before
descending on them one at a time. Then make tighter and
tighter circular motions across her abdomen that every so
slowly descend toward her pussy. By the time your fingers land
on her clit, she’ll be climbing the walls in erotic delirium.
That’s a good thing.
The Organ Recital: Men, give your lover a full nude
body massage using your erection as a massage tool. Make it
long, slow, and sensuous. Don’t go for orgasm; this tease is
to thrill her.
The Show-Me State: Masturbate for each other. Men, if you
don’t pop too quickly, you may learn that the visual
stimulation for your woman is a wild stimulant that gets her
motor running.
Dance Romance: Dirty dance for each other, either a
strip tease or a seductive touchie-feelie bump-and-grind for
two.
Share Your Porn: While somewhat risky if your
communication is shallow, sharing your porn lets you show
someone else what you like. Talk about your turn-ons. Give her
hints on how to please you.
Switching Roles: Take turns leading the erotic
festivities. One night she leads and does what she wants.
Another night you lead.
Request Line: Ask for what you want. What have you been
hungering for? Take a risk and ask for it; you might just get
it.
Magic Box: Some couples write down good erotic ideas
whenever they come up and file them in a box by the bed. Then
when the mood strikes, they fish out an idea and off they go
on an instant great beginning.
People sometimes forget that there’s a huge mental and
emotional aspect to lovemaking. Great beginnings show that you
care that there’s more to an encounter than acting like
robots.
Editor's Note:
The Sex Coach welcomes feedback from all his readers, whether
you're a rookie or a veteran.
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