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 Penis
Size is Not Enough
By the Sex Coach
I get a lot of email from male SexyAds members concerned about
the size or the performance of their penis: A lot of guys seem
to be paying attention to the spam blasts or the pop-up ads
for penis enlargement products. They're stuck on the idea that
bigger is better and they lament that they aren't big enough.
I know that this is a tender topic for many men, and if you're
one who worries about the dimensions of your organ, I would
recommend seeking a confidence enlargement instead. How you
use what you've got is far more important than beefing up. For
the most part, the value of penis size is a myth created by
the sex industry to make you think you're less than you're
"supposed to be". Advertisers do that so they can sell you a
problem for which they also sell you a solution--and in this
case it's not much of a solution.
Why is bigger better?
While the universe has no doubt produced some women who do, in
fact, obsess over huge cocks they're sometimes referred to as
size queens-- it is not on the average woman's list of worries
that keep her awake at night. So the question becomes, what
does a man who worries about his penis size think that a
bigger penis will do for him? Think it through. Why is bigger
better? What will that extra inch or two get for you and your
partner? Who is the most concerned about this--you or your
partner? In terms of sexually stimulating a woman, mere bulk
does little. Many women don't orgasm from
intercourse anyway; they require oral, digital, or vibratory
stimulation of the clitoris. A bigger penis will do nothing to
help there. Meanwhile, some women have learned about having
g-spot orgasms (where female ejaculation comes from). A bigger
penis does not help with that, either. Considering all the
hours men log worrying about penis size, they may be quite
shocked to discover that in the totality of a happy love
relationship, a smaller penis is not that big of a deal.
The Big Dick Myth
Nevertheless, many men are deeply troubled that they don't
measure up to some Herculean ideal. If you are one of them,
you might spend some time pondering how you came up with the
idea that you're too small. If you measure yourself against
the phallic swords you see in porn, then that could be your
problem right there. Men in porn are, in essence, professional
athletes chosen for their dimensions and ability to perform on
cue. Camera angles further enhance a male performer's size. If
you measure yourself against these professionals, it's like
comparing yourself to a player in the NBA, sad that you are a
runt at 6 feet tall. If your heart's desire is to be involved
in the swing community or the commercial sex club scene, then
you may encounter more of a competitive penis size attitude.
In these venues, size seems to matter more because size as a
good thing is more embedded in the erotic culture. On the
other hand, not all swingers are obsessed on looks. Many
newbies to the scene are surprised to discover how ordinary
the people look in many lifestyle gatherings. If you have been
the victim of a verbally abusive mate or peers who ridiculed
you about your size, then you have a different kind of
problem. In that case, you still need to recover from the
injuries you sustained through being degraded. Depending on
the severity of your mental injuries, you may want to check in
with a counselor.
Great Sex is More Than Size
The sexual dialogue about big organs often does not include
discussion about some of the ingredients that really make sex
fun and fulfilling. That's much more the problem than your
size. These ingredients include such things as enthusiasm,
erotic creativity, humor, mental and emotional power, and
sensuality skills. Put it another way: are you a fun lover?
Personality stimulates much more than your penis size does.
People forget that truly satisfying sex is mental and
emotional, too. There is no relationship between how big your
penis is and how exciting your erotic imagination is. There's
no relationship between how big your penis is and how big your
heart is.
This Goes for Performance , Too
Along with issues about size, I also get emails about
performance, such as this one: I've just celebrated my 46th
birthday. I can no longer hold an erection as long as I used
to. What do you recommend for a guy my age who's still in
pretty good shape? Believe it or not, sometimes having trouble
maintaining an erection turns out to be a good thing. Its a
reminder, albeit sometimes painful to swallow, that your
hard-on is not the center of your sexual universe. Aging
forces you out of old sexual habits to explore your sensuality
(like how to satisfy someone with your fingers and tongue). It
also inspires you to explore your erotic personality. I am a
big advocate of showing personality in bed. How can you truly
be there with your partner if you don't share thoughts and
feelings? Rise above focusing totally on those techniques
(yawn) for producing orgasms. Discover some of the other
wonderful gifts that your sexuality offers besides physical
orgasms.
For Example
One gift I discovered was mental orgasm. It works similarly to
physical orgasm in that it is a build-up and release of sexual
tension with an ahhh feeling afterwards. Most people have
mental orgasms along with their physical orgasms,
simultaneously, but you can also have mental orgasms without
the physical accompaniment. A mental orgasm is a wow moment
for the brain. It is a surprise, a pay- off, a release that
leaves you glowing. It could be triggered by what someone
says, wears, shows you, or does. It could be triggered by what
you think or feel. I won't argue that a mental orgasm is
made-up, but once you focus your attention and creativity to
making them up, they become most real. Unlike physical
orgasms, the nice thing about mental orgasms is that once they
happen, they don't just disappear. They keep on giving in the
form of pleasing memories. If you think about it, what you're
seeking with your wishes for a bigger or longer-lasting dick
is the mental satisfaction that you're a winner. I am here to
tell you that the mental satisfaction you seek comes through
your brain. Use it or lose it.
.
.Editor's Note: The Sex Coach
welcomes feedback from all his readers, whether you're a rookie
or a veteran. You can email him with your thoughts at:
Pillowtongue@yahoo.com
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