| Curing
Loneliness
By The Sex Coach
One of the worst romantic problems facing many people is quite simply
not having a partner to play with.
We all have different needs with this one.
Sometimes we want someone to relieve the sexual yearning. Sometimes we
want a major love fest to bloom, whether it’s for a season of enchantment or a
lifetime of devotion.
Feeling that you have no one to share yourself with can be brutal. I think it is one of the most underrated social problems of our times, a
boat many folks are stuck in.
Many people look at loneliness as rotten luck or their awful fate in life. They usually blame it on
something -- weight, a medical problem, poor cash flow, someone else’s stubbornness or cruelty, shyness, depression.
I believe that loneliness, especially when it is chronic, should be treated as a
disease. If you want to overcome the condition, you need to actively
pursue a treatment for it. Sometimes it’ll take medicine that’s hard to
swallow, but you have to do it to find a cure.
Step One: Self-Appreciation
When you’re caught in the grasp of loneliness, you’re likely stewing in negative thoughts about yourself. These mental demons fester and multiply.
It’s vital that you gain control over them; they’ll suck you into a
despair pit if you aren’t careful.
We all have qualities about ourselves we don’t like. We need to realize that other people don’t see us the way we see ourselves. The more we
appreciate the good people we are, the more we show a happy and confident
persona to the world. Look around for people you admire. You’ll find
that they have “attitude.” Often they aren’t the best-looking or richest
people in the world, yet they exude gobs of warmth and charisma. People are drawn
to them. Their self-appreciation is very attractive.
If you’ve been wallowing in all your faults, chances are that someone close to you reinforces those feelings. Perhaps you’re alone because a
controlling figure in your life tells you that you won’t attract anyone
decent. Consider attending a workshop on self-esteem or find some tools
for handling fear and doubt. (Tip: your library may be a great starting
place.)
You need to learn how to appreciate the person you are to see how you
could
fit into someone’s life.
Step Two: Self-Analysis
Next, take a close look at your life and decide what you really want in your love life. Try to be as specific as possible. Many people have but a
general idea of what they want. That’s like going into a restaurant, and
when the waiter inquires what you want, you say, “Food, please.”
If you believe that love falls into your lap by cosmic edict, you may think it’s silly to fill your mind with specific requests. Yet when you
know what you want, it’s much easier to locate it. Shrinks call this
selective perception. If you like witty people, your brain will alert you whenever
one comes into hearing range -- “Yoo-hoo!” When you like ‘em smart,
they’ll stand out. Whatever you want to create, your brain will
strive to deliver it.
Write down on paper your list of traits you’re seeking. Refer to the
list often. Refine it when the mood strikes. Keep the list and the images it
creates in your face.
Step Three: Visualize Success
As much as we convince ourselves during lonely periods that we’re living the worst of all times, it’s important to be able to see clearly where
we’d rather be.
People who accomplish anything from great feats to everyday successes report that they first imagined the result they wanted to
achieve. So even if you don’t know exactly who you will have a relationship with,
having a clear vision of the relationship you want will help you get
there.
Many people are ashamed of being uncoupled. They constantly envision their loneliness. When they go places, they think of how sad they are. Cut
it out! It’s so much better to turn sad pictures into something more
positive.
For example, get excited about the prospects of meeting new people and
creating new relationships. Get excited about healing your love life.
It’s so much easier to head toward a positive than it is to flee from a
negative.
Step Four: Going Public
Develop an action plan. Do something. Lovers won’t magically appear at your doorstep or email box. Signal your availability, get out in the
world, and mix.
Use that list you created from Step Two -- or will create -- to write a
SexyAds ad of your own or to respond to one. Take responsibility for
popping yourself out of isolation by any means possible, and using the
SexyAds service is one great way to start.
Sometimes even romantic destiny needs a little help. Use anything at your disposal to get the message out that you’re
looking for company. If overt mate shopping does not suit your style, attend
classes or seminars that interest you. Or join activity clubs or groups that
interest you. People often find that friendships and love spring from groups or
activities that aren’t specifically focused on romance. Even if you
don’t find anyone who interests you romantically, you’ll get value from the
group
People often don’t take advantage of friendship networks. If you work simply on creating interesting friendships, eventually romance will bloom
-- especially if you tell your platonic friends that you’d like to find
some romance. Again, place a positive spin on what you want.
Step Five: Finding Someone
When you find someone you like, take some risks. Put yourself out there. I don’t subscribe to the playing hard-to-get theory. Go after the
relationship you want. Rejection is part of the game; you win some and
lose some. But the more you come out of your shell, the more opportunities you
create for ultimate success.
Ever notice how some people promote their loneliness as if it were a positive selling point. If you’re tempted to tell a prospective lover
how miserable you’ve been, just stop it! They don’t want to know. The same
goes for your war stories about being mistreated by the opposite sex. Don’t
go there.
I personally believe that relationships are best made from a place of relationship wealth. Lonely people often make bad choices because they
don’t want to lose the one person who’s interested, even if it’s not a
healthy match.
The more you choose mates when you like your life, the better your
mate selection will be. You won’t be reaching out to desperately grab
someone; you’ll be reaching out to embrace someone. Good
Luck
Editor's Note: The Sex Coach
welcomes feedback from all his readers, whether you're a rookie
or a veteran. You can email him with your thoughts at: pillowtongue@aol.com
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