Sonja's Sojourns – an Irreverent Look at Internet Dating

By Sonja Katz

First Church on the Left

It's strange, but somehow my personal ad has elicited several accusations that I am posing as someone else. There are several red flags going off in my head as I write this, indicating that this column might evoke a whole different kind of trouble, but what the heck? Here's what I'm getting now:

"Who do you think you are, Jesus Christ?" some guys have written. "You sure ask a lot!"

I just don't get it. But, maybe they think that Jesus has become victim to identity theft, but I swear, I wouldn't do that for several reasons:

• I shave – and definitely don't look like Jesus.
• Jesus would be a lot smarter about this whole dating process than I am.
• In order to steal Jesus' identity, it seems like it'd be too much trouble to figure out how to get to his wallet.

I never could make the connection between the ad thing and Jesus, but I can testify right here and now: I do not think I'm Jesus. Not even close. Neither am I Buddha, Allah or even Eric Clapton. I'm just a single woman who has constructed an ad to suit my personal preferences.

And, why shouldn't I? I mean, would these men really prefer that I advertise for less or something different than exactly what I want? That doesn't make much sense:

Forty-eight year old single woman seeks illiterate, humorless animal-hating misogynist with an unhealthy interest in explosives, who doesn't speak or read english, and lives at least three thousand miles away in an 8 x 10 shack in the woods – with his three wives. Must dislike writers, bathing, and relationships. Let's get together real soon!

It's difficult for me to understand what it is about my real personal ad that pisses off certain guys, but when it does, they sure don't mind telling me. Of course, there's the theory that says that angry accusations and general hostility turns women on and makes them eager correspondents, but I attended a different school of thought.

And, I don't think I'm being too picky! I mean, if I wanted to, what would be wrong with asking for someone who can make it rain $20 bills and has a body that would make me weep with appreciation? While I'm at it, I could ask for someone who has really good season tickets for professional baseball and football games, and who owns a Greek island and the yacht to get there.

You know, I admire people like WiseWoman who really lay it on the line about what men should and should not do, when putting together their ads and going on their dates. More power to her; she's just gonna take a machete to whatever errant e-mail she receives from Men Without a Clue.

But, I'm not that much of a hard-ass about this whole thing. Truth be known, I really only wanted to reach friendly people who could put two, non-argumentative sentences together. And, please, don't get me wrong. I'll bet that Jesus would be a great date, but somehow I picture him using another service altogether. Not that SexyAds isn't the type of place to meet nice guys, mind you. I've met lots of wonderful people on here. Just not any deities – that I know of, anyway.

Oh, I know. There are plenty of people on here who think they're kinda special, and I think they are, too. Let them hold out for Daddy (or Mommy) Warbucks and hold their heads up high!

As for me, sure -- there are lots of holes in my stories, but I realize that doesn't mean I'm that kind of holy. 

© 2002 Cirious Business – Do not copy or reproduce without permission.