An
Irreverent Look at Internet Dating
In Praise of Power Outages …
It's
voting time – and if you've been in touch at all, you've no
doubt poured over the thousand-plus photos in SexyAds's
wildly-successful Over 40 Photo Contest. I couldn't
wait to discuss some of the finer points (ahem!) of the
contestants with a couple of friends while on the phone.
It's
always fun to bring out the best in each other, pointing at
our respective monitors and critiquing the pictures to
ascertain who was the sexiest -- as though we were
body-perfect ourselves.
"Did you
see the one of the woman who was bound and ball-gagged? How do
you suppose she was able to upload that pic?" I asked,
knowing full well that some questions don't require a
response. Just the act of thinking about the pose can lend
long moments of entertainment.
"I'd do
her," or "He's pretty cool," would inevitably
be followed by something that would include our physical
assessments on a couple of different levels:
"What do
you think of the guy in the yellow rubber pants and
suspenders?" my friend asked.
"What
rubber pants? You mean that cute fireman?"
"Obviously
incontinent," he harrumphed.
A chorus of
gasps immediately followed our monitors' simultaneous displays
of a woman whom we had both met in person last year. It's
always fun to see a familiar face.
"Man,
that was close, wasn't it?" we reminisced.
I'm sure that
me and my friend were not alone, wondering why women's
"pink bits" were blocked out by the SexyAds staff,
yet men's penises remained in full view. Maybe it's an
Australian thing having to do with being "down
under." All that blood rushing to the brain could take
reasoning to new levels. After all, they publish my stuff,
don't they?
There's
certainly no accounting for the bravery revealed by a great
proportion of those whom entered this contest, but I for one,
am in awe of many of them. The exhibition of all of these
bits, whether male, female or of questionable persuasion,
large or small, pink, brown or ghastly-white, seems to have
had the opposite effect on me: I've learned to be very, very
afraid.
After a
lifetime of throwing caution to the wind and having sex in
broad daylight, outdoors, even, and in the presence of some
very attractive people, I'm not sure there's a tinker's chance
in hell that I can ever again, leave that light switch in the
"on" position. I've made plans to buy one of those
cute professional wrestling costumes on the off-chance that
the only opportunity to have sex is during the day.
"Don't
be afraid, Honey, it's all the rage in Mexico," I'll say
through the hole in my mask as I muster the best full-Nelson
possible.
Meanwhile, I
know that voting for the winning contestant will be tough. How
do I decide between the sexiest motorcycle, sexiest
interpretation of a hat stand, or sexiest tattoo? Sometimes,
my shopping gene takes over and makes me want to vote for the
most luxurious bedspread. If I vote for her, will she divulge
where she bought it?
After careful
consideration, I decided that the picture of the middle-aged,
graying, droopy-gutted, grimacing guy with his hand shoved
down into the front of his baggy briefs was my personal
favorite. Although I couldn't exactly see them, this guy must
have huevos the size of tractor tires to have sent this
picture in the first place, with a sense of humor to match.
… at least
I hope he was joking …
If you're a
SexyAds member you can write to sonjakatz@sexyads.com
. She really does love hearing from you.
Copyright
2002, Cirious Business. Do not copy without permission. |
