It's
Party Time! Part Two!
More stuff new
swingers need to know
By Brandon Tanner
Last
time we discussed the topic of setting up and having a private
swing-party. Many legitimate questions came up and we need to
address them directly. It’s not a problem. You can’t go
off half-cocked and expect to have a successful swing-party.
Listen to what we have to say, based on our experience, and
benefit from it. My wife, Loren has the answers and knows the
drill.
LOREN: “It can get out of control real fast unless you set
up rules in advance and send them in all E-mail responses.”
TANNER: What are some of the basic rules?
LOREN: “It all starts with the personal ad you post for your
party and the rest falls into place. The wording of the ad has
to be clear and inviting. One-line ads don’t work well.
Include basic information about the party’s theme, your
location and time and date, of course. For best results upload
a picture of you and your partner. You don’t need
provocative shots in your ad; you can send those in E-mail
after you get your RSVP. Even then it’s not necessary.”
TANNER: Give us an example of a basic swing-party ad.
LOREN: “Easy, don’t be too short or too long and write
informal and friendly. Here’s a standard approach.” HOT
SWING PARTY JULY TENTH! We’re celebrating summer with a
kinky theme. Leather, chains, masks, whips, nylons, garter belts,
high heels all optional. No BDSM, no pain, no blood, just
great adult fun! All personal limitations respected. We
provide hot and cold snacks and soft drinks (BYOB). The fun
starts at 8:30 PM in Dallas. There is a required donation.
Respond to this ad for more details.
TANNER: Let’s party hearty! That’s the response you’re
looking for from the ad.
LOREN: “Exactly, and I targeted a specific audience just to
make a point. The theme is kinky and will appeal to the
S&M role-players. Curious or novice swingers may not
reply. The ad itself paints a mental picture of what could be
going on once the party gets in high gear.”
TANNER: So, if you want your bash to be a little tamer use a
different approach.
LOREN: “The theme dictates the mood of the event and
you’re really unlimited in selection. Okay, say you want a
milder party than my ad will attract … go for the decade
concept.”
TANNER: Got it – have a sixties, seventies or eighties
party.
LOREN: “There’s a couple in San Diego, California who love
old movies and they are experienced swingers. They have a
three story Victorian house outside the city where they host
monthly swing-parties. Each party has an old movie theme.
They’re so popular you need reservations to get in.”
TANNER: We made it for the Bogart party. Every guy was trying
to imitate Bogart, voice, hat and all. It was great.
LOREN: “All the ladies were doing their best to be like
any one of the many women who were in the Bogart films.”
TANNER: Themes are important, but you must make costumes
optional. Some people go nuts for the idea, others don’t.
LOREN: “Those who won’t dress for the theme are the ones
who will become observers for a while. You have to realize
some couples are going to hold back while they get a feel for
the party.”
TANNER: Another thought along that same line. As a rule,
swing-parties do not get into the sex-action right off the
bat.
LOREN: “Glad you brought that up, Brandon. Okay, your
party’s off to a great start. There are eight – ten
couples in your house and they’re all strangers. They’re
going to socialize, snack, drink, mill around and try to be at
their best. A good hour or two will pass before anyone makes
any intimate moves.”
TANNER: That’s the time I call apprehensive-tension. If
it’s your first party you will feel awkward and unsure of
what to do. Loren blew me away when she figured out how to get
the party focusing on its main purpose.
LOREN: “After about forty-five minutes into our first swing-party
I realized what had to be done. I slipped away into the
bedroom and put on one of my sexy outfits and went back to the
party. The mood changed quickly – I was being noticed by
both men and women.”
TANNER: Don’t forget the videos.
LOREN: “They were the sex-trigger. Maybe I should say, the
right incentive at the right time. We have several VCRs and
TVs all over the house. I popped in adult videos we’ve
produced in each of the VCRs and a real hot one in the machine
that feeds our big wide-screen TV. By then several of the male
guests were starting to get friendly and other couples were
enjoying the videos. The party was now going in the right
direction.”
TANNER: We decided, right then, on a major change. I would
greet arriving guests and play host, get conversations going
and make people feel comfortable.
LOREN: “I would hang back, in the bedroom until I got a
signal from Brandon that people were feeling at ease. Then
I’d make my entrance, in a sexy outfit, and start slinking
around projecting a sexual attitude. You’ll be amazed at how
well that works to get things going in the right direction.”
TANNER: That became the pattern and it got the parties
on-track a lot sooner. Okay, Loren, we need to address
atmosphere and basic rules.
LOREN: “Always be ready for your guests well in advance of
party-time. Regardless of how specific you are on time, people
will show up early and require attention. Be prepared to deal
with it by having everything ready in advance. Have the lights
set low (for atmosphere) have music playing, food ready to be served,
ice in buckets, soft drinks chilled, chips and dip easily
accessible. If you’re providing mixes for drinks (setups) be
sure to have slices of lemons and limes on ice. Don’t be
caught short and have to rummage around the kitchen to get
what your guests need.”
TANNER: Good point. Have a stack of plastic glasses, knives,
forks and stir-sticks on the table with your food and soft
drinks. If you can, set up your buffet around a dining room
table so each guest can navigate nicely while selecting food
and putting it on their plate.
LOREN: “What we’re suggesting here, for some reason, sends
a comfortable message to your guests.
TANNER: There’s more – let’s cover the basic rules.
LOREN: “You and your partner are the hosts; the rules are
for you to decide. Too many, too strong, you won’t have a
party. Here’s a basic concept. Work up a list based on your
acceptance of behavior. If you don’t want BDSM or S&M,
say so. No smoking in the house, make it clear. A good rule is
respect limitations. No is no! Excessive drinking NOT
TOLERATED. NO FIGHTING. NO FORCE OF ANY KIND.”
TANNER: We’re running out of space again, let’s wrap it
up.
LOREN: “Okay … call the rules whatever you want, but print them
under some kind of heading like House Rules, Party Conduct,
Swing commandments or whatever you think is best. You should
print several copies of your rules in bold type and post them
where guests cannot miss seeing them. When you reply to a
couple interested in more information from your ad, send them
everything they need to know and attach a copy of your
rules.”
TANNER: This contact should cover all the facts.
LOREN: “Absolutely. This is where you go into detail about
the theme, discuss options, the donations and attach the
rules. If they’re interested they’ll RSVP.”
TANNER: What happens after that?
LOREN: “If they want more information, you give it. This is
where you give out your phone number and directions to your
location. At this point the potential couple knows your theme
and rules for the party. They either want to attend or they
don’t. If they don’t, they shouldn’t be responding.”
TANNER: You’ve skipped a few rules that need to be
mentioned.
LOREN: “I did … I’m sorry, but they’re sensitive in
content.”
TANNER: We’re all adults here, go for it.
LOREN: “Okay, you have several couples in your home who will
be having sex on your sofa, lounge chair, on the carpet, on
various bed spreads and who knows, maybe the kitchen
counter!”
TANNER: So, what rule applies?
LOREN: “The rule of clean! If you’re going to be naked on
my sofa, bed, recliner, whatever, you put down a towel, which
I provide. I make sure there are plenty of towels
available.”
TANNER: I think we should close with a word of support for the
novice couple who wants to launch their first swingers-party!
LOREN: “You’re right. Think it out, plan the party,
prepare your ad, and make sure it’s right for you. Select a
great picture of you and your partner and select a theme you
can live with.”
TANNER: There’s something else – what is it?
LOREN: “Be honest and post a recent picture of you and your
partner with your ad. It doesn’t have to be provocative.”
TANNER: Are you ready to party?
LOREN: “You bet your ass!”
TANNER: One last thought … don’t try to book a party too
far in advance – things happen – people cancel. As we said
earlier, over-book every time. Good idea!
Take care,
Brandon Tanner
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