Everything’s right, excitement, atmosphere, mood and it’s the first time with the lady. You’re a little nervous maybe a touch clumsy. The playing begins, it feels great, but you’re not getting up – what’s going on?

You’ve just experienced bedroom failure. This subject should be interesting to men and amusing to most women.

Loren has a special guest who can shed some light on the issue, Loren.

LOREN: “It’s our pleasure to introduce Dr. Carol who is a private sex therapist. Thanks for coming doctor.”

DR. CAROL: “I’m pleased to have the opportunity to address the subject for your readers. Brandon painted an accurate picture for us to work from. Bedroom failure occurs more often than men like to admit. It’s especially embarrassing for younger men who have been more than adequate in past encounters.”

TANNER: I’ve been there a time or two, but I’m older.

LOREN: “You perform quite well, dear … no complaints here. However, we want to focus on the problem as it applies to men between twenty-five and forty-nine. I think that group would take the failure more seriously.”

DR. CAROL: “The issue scares the hell out of young men. They tend to think they’re losing they’re sexual ability. Unless the dysfunction occurs consistently it doesn’t mean there’s a physical problem. In fact, the issue is psychological rather than physical.”

TANNER: How can a guy be sure of that?

DR. CAROL: “To be direct – if the man wakes up, in the morning, with an occasional erection there is no physical problem.”

LOREN: “That statement alone just brought a huge sigh of relief from a ton of our male readers.”

TANNER: Myself included. So, doctor you’re saying it might be all in the head?

DR, CAROL: “For the most part, yes it is. The issue can vary depending on the circumstances of an individual encounter. Let’s look at Brandon’s opening example: the young man he speaks of is with the woman for the first time. By itself, nervous tension may cause the dysfunction.”

LOREN: “That makes sense. The guy’s been thinking about getting the lady in bed all day. He’s most likely planned out what he’ll do when the time comes.”

DR. CAROL: “Exactly. However, it doesn’t go according to plan. Faced with the actual moment the guy gets clumsy or his partner acts differently than he expected. Instead of taking it easy he gets too aggressive. The woman resists and the whole event goes down hill.”

LOREN: “A lot of men, especially younger guys, are too short on foreplay. They forget most women want a little TLC.”

TANNER: Anything good is worth working for. That includes having great sex with a familiar partner. It can get old if you don’t stoke the fire a little.

DR. CAROL: “True, but there’s a difference between a couple having their first encounter and two people familiar with each other. The latter pair has other issues involved in their sexual experiences. Stress is the big enemy. A bad day at work, money problems, any other domestic pressures go into the bedroom. The end result can be less exciting sex, even none at all.”

TANNER: Agreed all around. However, our focus is on couples having their first encounter together. Is there a way to prevent bedroom failure?

DR. CAROL: “Prevent … not really, but the risk of failure can be reduced significantly.”

LOREN: “It’s obvious from where we’re sitting, but not so easy to see as you head for the bedroom.”

DR. CAROL: “Exactly. Sorry to point it out, but the man is usually the cause of the failure. Conversely, he’s the one who can reduce the risk.”

TANNER: I think we’re going back to foreplay.

DR. CAROL: “That and closer observation. The guy should be prepared to take his time from the moment he and his lady make contact, by E-mail, cyber-chat or phone.”

LOREN: “Our column addresses members of adult personals sites. The majority of those users are looking for one-on-one sex. I believe you’re suggesting foreplay should start online.”

DR. CAROL: “It seems academic, but yes, that’s what I’m getting at. The male should take a gentle lead on sex issues. He needs to go slow while making his desires and kinks known.”

LOREN: “Right – there’s not much that can kill a sexual encounter as fast as misunderstanding your partner’s needs or taboos.”

TANNER: So, if the guy wants to give anal or long sessions of oral he better know the lady likes the same.

DR. CAROL: “You’re both correct. In most cases, the male is the one who brings up the issues of wants and desires. However, as I’ve stated, take it easy, be a gentleman.”

LOREN: “In my experience, the lady will come on in one of two ways. First there’s the uninhibited, she wants it all and most likely has said so in her profile. Then there’s the vague or shy female. She may desire everything, but doesn’t have the experience or can’t express herself easily.”

DR. CAROL: “Perfect examples and well put. You’re first female isn’t going to be much of a problem for a man. The second lady however, will need a non-aggressive approach. In both cases all sexual issues need to be understood by both partners before their first encounter. At that point it’s easier for the couple to work their way into the bedroom with a better understanding of each other sexually.”

TANNER: Doctor, you’ve been an excellent guest and of great help to our male readers.

LOREN: “Absolutely … and you’ve given the ladies food for thought.
DR. CAROL: “Thank you; it’s been a pleasant experience for me as well.”

Tanner: Okay, we’ve covered the important issues of bedroom-failure. It can be avoided with open communication, the right attitude and some serious foreplay, verbal and physical.

LOREN: “Remember guys, the ball’s in your court … play it with skill an’ you’ll win the game.”

TANNER: It is, after all, a game. Until next time, take care and play fair.

Take care; we’ll see you next month.