Coupling Online
 (Part II in Swinging Series of III)
By
 WiseWoman

 One of the most popular venues for finding couples to play with these days is the internet. Sexyads.com is one of the best sites that couples can join to find other couples who have the same interests, including sex with others. When couples are new to the idea of seeking other like-minded couples, joining an adult personals site makes it abundantly easy to make themselves known as well as to find other sexy duos to contact.  
Start out with a profile. Important facts that are usually required when filling out a profile are:

• Ages

• Location (zip code)

• Sexual Orientation (straight, bisexual, bi-curious, gay, lesbian)

• Height

• Weight or other terminology might be choices (average, athletic, petite, large, ample, BBW which means Big Beautiful Woman, BHM which means Big Handsome Man)

• Smoker or Non-smoker

• Drinks socially, not at all or heavy drinker

• Single, Married, Divorced, Separated

• Race

• Some sites ask for bra size and penis size

• Some sites ask for religion

• Some sites ask whether man is circumcised or not

Be sure to fill out as much as you can for both the male and the female, so that it does not have to be repeated in the ad.

Next is writing your ad. Doing this as a collaborative exercise is actually very intimate and fun. This is your opportunity to present yourselves to other couples for potential friendship and/or sex so keep in mind, first impressions are very important. You only have ONE opportunity to make a first impression.

You should present what you want to attract. Be positive with your descriptions unless you really think that negative adjectives will attract what you seek. Try to stay away from some of the clichés like “Barbie and Ken.”  Originality is usually noticed so be creative!

Most couples like to know several things before they feel comfortable enough to initiate contact. The more information you reveal the higher the chances of attracting a better “fit.” Make your profile easy to understand by separating it in to “Who we are and what we offer,” and “What we are looking,” sections.

A brief outline with explanations to follow might be:

Part 1: This is who we are and what we have to offer:

• Level of Commitment
  a) Married to each other
  b) Married to others but swing together without other spouses knowing
  c) Committed/living together (but not married)
   

• Personality Traits
   

• Interests, in and out of the bedroom
   

• Sexual Orientation(s)
  a) Straight
  b) Bisexual
  c) Bi-curious
   

• Sexual Offering(s)
  a) Full Swap (foreplay, touching/massage, oral, penetration)
  b) Soft Swap (no penetration)
  c) Oral, anal, exhibitionist, massage, etc.
   

• Availability
   

• Meeting Place
  a) Your Home
  b) Their Home
  c) Motel
  d) Other
   

• Safe Sex (clean or “d/d free” means drug and disease free, condom friendly/phobic)

• Experience level as swingers
  a) Newbies
  b) Occasional
  c) Seasoned Swingers

• Preference(s) of Swinging Venues
  a) Private Parties
  b) Swing Clubs
  c) Foursomes
  d) Groups
  e) Threesomes
  f) Nudist Resorts
  g) Swing Cruises or Resorts

Part II: This is what we need to know before we will agree to meet:

• What we seek in our ideal couple
  a) Age range
  b) Race(s) if you have a preference
  c) Body types acceptable
  d) Personality traits that you like
  e) Smoking and/or drinking status that you will accept
  f) Full swap, soft swap, oral, anal, etc
  g) Any other preferences that are mandatory requirements such as shaved  groins, location range you can travel to, meet first/play or not, circumcised.

• What we DON’T want:
  a) Single men/women
  b) Married but cheating
  c) Uncommitted couples
  d) Smokers/drinkers
  e) People outside a certain driving range
  f) Newbies
  g) Bi activity, BDSM etc

• Expectations

Fleshing out your outline:
Start out telling your readers (and possible new “friends”) what you are like as a couple. Be specific about your personalities. Other seekers want to know why they should choose you so be creative and positive with how you project yourselves.

Since “swinging” could pose a possible threat to one or the other partner, playing with “committed” couples is a lower risk. Therefore, if that is important to you, you might make a point of mentioning that you are a “committed couple,” at the beginning of your ad.

Some good descriptive personality traits might be spontaneous, adventuresome, passionate, open-minded, creative, down-to-earth, playful, experimental. 

Next you might mention some of your interests (remember this section is about what you have to offer them) e.g. fine dining and wine, reading, hobbies, watching movies, sports, art, traveling, boating, etc. This is a good place to mention your sexual preferences like: full swap, soft swap, oral activities, same room swap, bisexual activities, toys or whatever you’d like people to know.

Letting your prospective couples know how available you are saves time and energy. If you have any specific limitations like children at home, or prefer weekend evenings only, or whatever, state that here. Some couples need lots of emails back and forth, asking many questions and sharing information about them. Others want to establish a mutual interest online then on the phone, then get to the “meeting” part of the exercise as soon as possible. After all, meeting in person is really the ONLY sure way to see if all 4 of you “click” as a foursome.

Most couples want to meet on neutral ground then move to a location where you can be intimate if “playing” is conducive to all. Stating your preferences here gives you the opportunity to express your ground rules. Some couples don’t play on the first date, others coming from far away like the option of playing on the first date. Leaving this option open is probably the best scenario. Stating in the profile that you are open to playing on the first date if you are can be advantageous. If you can host, say so. Or if you need the other couple to host, let them know. If you are willing to share a motel room and meet half way, this might be an option you will want to mention.

If you are drug and disease free, say so here. If you have already said that you like full swap, mentioning that you practice safe sex (are condom friendly) is going to need to be addressed so you might as well put it in here.

Then mention your sexual level as swingers. If you have never tried it, you are “newbies.” If you have some experience, or are seasoned swingers, say so here.

You might also want to let your readers know what venues you like that might be part of your repertoire as swingers. This gives them some idea of how serious you are in this lifestyle and what options might be open to them if you all decide to play. Some couples love to go to swing parties with others, or might want to go to Hedonism events together, so this is a good way to show more experienced couples what you have to offer them.

Part II: What We Seek

Here is where you will want to briefly mention what it is you are looking for in a couple that you would consider meeting. This doesn’t have to take up much room but giving them an idea of your minimum requirement cuts through a lot of time. Age range (between ages XX – XX), race(s), body type(s), personality traits that you are looking for, smoking/drinking or not, sexual preferences (full swap, soft swap, oral, anal, role playing, BDSM, toys, porn, etc), and any other preferences that you want your couples to have (bi, straight, or a combination e.g. some couples like bi women only).

Decide what might send up red flags for you both and make a note of them here. A lot of couples get emails from single men hoping to meet couples. So state “no single men,” and hope they pay attention (LOL). Some couples live separately and are swinging partners but not in love with each other and not a committed couple. This might pose a threat to either of you so if this is NOT what you want, say “No uncommitted couples.”

If you are non-smokers and don’t want smokers, say so here. Same goes with drinkers. But if it’s not a concern, it’s also a good thing to mention that you don’t mind smokers/drinkers even if you are not. This broadens your options. 

“No Newbies” is seen a lot on seasoned swinger profiles. This is because there is a higher possibility of no playing. Many newbies need a lot of nurturing to get them to move from the “fantasy” phase of the adventure to the “playing” phase. They might require a lot of emailing, instant messaging and chatting before the actual meeting occurs. To seasoned swingers, this is too time consuming. If you ARE a newbie and you see that on a profile, take heart, they were once newbies too and just move on to the next choice. OR if, after reading their profile and you are so interested in meeting them, you can write to them and just see if they are willing to meet. You have nothing to lose.

The last thing that should be mentioned is what kind of sexual activity that you are NOT interested in doing with any couples. Many times the man is straight and the woman is bi. A lot of couples want ONLY bi women so that they can put on a show for the men. If the man is straight, he is not usually at all interested in bi-male activity. Bi men KNOW that straight men have no interest in ANY bi activity between them BUT, believe it or not, many straight men are curious but can’t quite get themselves to put “bi-curious” on their profiles. They think that this will somehow give the wrong impression. SO, here is where you need to specify what you DON’T want. If there is anything sexually you wish to avoid like anal sex, role-playing, pain etc, put that here also.

The last thing to say is that you have NO EXPECTATIONS. Remaining open to the experience, expressing your desire to meet to possibly make friends and also explore sensuality with a couple, should be the last impression you leave them. This shows that you have thought this adventure through, and are sincere.

Once you’ve completed the ad, carefully read through everything paying attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. If you are sloppy about this, it might shed a negative reaction to your presentation and seriously affect your outcome. Remember that you want to present yourselves in your best light in order to attract the optimum amount of couples.

Couples meeting couples doesn’t have the same criteria as singles meeting singles. You are NOT really “dating” or looking for a love relationship per se as you would be as a single person, so the criteria is quite a bit different. You have each other for that. The fewer limitations you put into your search opens you up for more opportunities for finding many sexy couples.

Good luck with your ad writing. Stay tuned for the last segment of this 3 part series on “coupling” which will include information about chatrooms, camming, initiating contact, answering couples who have contacted you, meeting, and other hints for success!!!

If you would like to respond to WiseWoman, please email her here.

©2004 TamiFox. All rights reserved. <Personal note to those who have graciously taken the time to respond to my ad and previous articles>..THANK YOU SO MUCH.

It is a great pleasure to hear from all of you. <smile>


WiseWoman's Previous Three Articles:

Couples Swinging for Novices

Lingham Massage

Online Love

WiseWoman covers a wide variety of issues for SA Gazette and, as her title suggests, delivers some powerful advice on how to maximize your success with online dating.

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