In my previous article, I had asked the women on SexyAds to tell me what it would take to get them to respond to a man's inquiry. Many men (hundreds actually) have written to me telling me that they are discouraged because they have written to many women on this site and don't seem to get responses.

When a woman writes an ad, most of the time she is trying to explain as succinctly and directly as possible, the minimum requirements necessary for her to take notice of someone responding. Many go overboard in verbalizing their prince charming and men feel intimidated but, rest assured, verbosity is the result of women wanting to be heard, respected and taken seriously.

Writing what she wants in an ad can be a very personal experience for her, just as it can be for a man. We write all the things that we want, to avoid wasting time, or having to reject someone who doesn't offer what we are seeking, and we assume that men will take what we've written to heart. If you gentlemen want to get a response, here are a few tips that will give you an edge. And believe me, following these will surely pay off. <wicked grin>.

1. READ THE WHOLE AD. The women take a lot of time and energy to specify what they are looking for. The really loooong ads, are worth the time to read them because the woman has taken great pains to tell you what kind of man she imagines as her prince incarnate!! Now, we women know how you guys have "selective hearing" <giggle>, but having "selective reading" of an ad can be a real deal breaker. If the woman specifies that she wants SINGLE men, and gets inquiries from married men, BINGO, she knows you have implemented the "selective reading" mode and will probably NOT answer. We notice when you haven't paid attention and this puts up a red flag. If there are things in the ad like "I want black men only," and you are white, well I don't have to explain that one. It might say something like "Please live within a 50 mile radius," and if you are 100 miles, forget it. I feel terribly obligated to "go all the way" if he has come from a long ways away and I don't like having my choices taken away like that, so I usually avoid becoming interested in someone who is over two hours drive away. And it doesn't really matter if you like to drive or not, I still feel obligated and don't like being in that position. If she says something like, "I prefer men close to my age," that means within a 5 year age span either way, (older or younger). I hate it when I say I seek men ages 40-55 and a 23 year old asks me if I like younger men <rolling eyes>. I usually want to respond, "Well I'd consider you if only you could READ!!!" *chuckle* Believe it or not, we actually know what we want and we certainly know what we don't want, so the odds are in your favor guys if you adhere to requirements. Any lack of attention to detail rarely gets past us so READ the whole ad before you respond. Missing something will NOT go undetected. Good form might be that you take a few points that REALLY interested you in her ad, then expound about YOUR preferences such as, if she says she likes to play scrabble, you can say something like, "I love word games and crossword puzzles, and would find it a challenge to play scrabble." Make her feel like you want to share quality time OUT of the bedroom, and I guarantee, you will win your response. <smile>.

2. TELL US THE BASICS. When we are informative in our ad, we like men writing to us to also be informative. We get so many inquiries and need to weed through the masses. If you don't tell us anything about you, you will probably not get a response. So be friendly, informative and interesting. One woman wrote to me said, "I'd like to get as much information back in a response to my ad as I gave in my ad. If the responder is uncomfortable in email, he should indicate that some way: "I know I haven't said much here, but here's why I'm interested in you." And then explain it to her. BE REAL.

3. WE NEED TO SEE YOUR FACE. Women wrote to me saying that they are unlikely to respond to any guy who puts just a picture of his cock on his ad or profile. A nude pic is fine, but not just the cock. (This is what they told me) Keep in mind, that women online receive cock pics all day long so adding yours to their "penis gallery" is just another cock. If you think that the only way you can get a date IS with your cock pic, I seriously think you are presenting yourself as a sex object, and well, you are not going to attract a woman with any class if at all. We want to see your FACE to see if we are attracted. DUH!!! But before you'll get a date, she will demand seeing a face pic so why not just send it to her initially??? Remember, if you think you are NOT attractive or you have been turned down after sending a pic, she was NOT for you and you were saved a lot of time and energy, trust me. Don't feel rejected. Feel saved. Feel happy that the angels of the universe saved you from a terrible experience and move on. Each of us has different criteria as to why we are attracted but for the most part, BEING REAL is one of the biggest turn-ons.

4. MEET HER MINIMUM QUALIFICATIONS. If you don't meet a woman's qualifications, you shouldn't respond to her ad. It just wastes time for both and it indicates that you didn't read the ad. Women, who have been on the site for a long time, might have become jaded and very picky. There are SO many men to choose from, there is simply NO reason to settle for anything less than what she wants. Don't set yourself up for rejection.

5. SEXUAL COME-ONS TOO SOON. Believe me, we all know you want sex, but since we are bombarded all day/night long for sex chat, phone sex requests, and the like, DON'T even mention sex in your initial email. THIS will get her attention! You just can't imagine how effective getting a date really is when you don't mention the "S" word. Many of the men are offended if a woman doesn't immediately want to talk SEX. Even though most of the women on here love and want sex, they like to be NOTICED because of their intelligence or because they might make a lovely companion NOT because they possess a pussy. We know you want sex, and eventually we do too, but slooooooow down and don't push it initially unless she says so in her ad. You are running the risk of getting NO response. If you're smart, let the woman take the lead on the sex discussion. I promise, if you can avoid bringing it up initially, you will be considered a gentleman. We respond to gentlemen. <smile>

REMEMBER: You only get ONE chance to make a first impression!!! Since this chance on here is in the written word, put your best fingers forward as if it was a first date. You would clean up and present yourself as well as you could wouldn't you? Well, treat your FIRST email to a woman with the same self-respect. Don't forget to use spell check and dazzle her with your charm, intoxicate her with your wit, and smother her with your warmth. I DARE you *wink* She will be putty in your hands.

Personal note to those who have graciously taken the time to respond to my ad and previous articles: THANK YOU SO MUCH. It is a great pleasure to hear from all of you. <smile>

WiseWoman's Previous Three Articles:

How to make your personal ad work like gangbusters.

Top 5 things that turn a man off.

Top 5 things that turn a woman off.

WiseWoman covers a wide variety of issues for SA Gazette and, as her title suggests, delivers some powerful advice on how to maximize your success with online dating.

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