|
 Couples
Swinging
for Novices
By WiseWoman
Many couples these days have found a new way of expressing their
sexuality with each other by meeting other couples to share
“recreational” sex. “Playing” is another term for this activity.
As our culture advances, the opportunities for such are
broadening. The “Net Culture” has opened up new venues not for
just singles getting to know singles, but also for couples to do
the same.
So
what are the criteria that bring the possibilities of swinging
with others into fruition? Here I will explore these options in
detail and try to encourage a recipe for success.
In
reading “couples seeking couples” ads found on adult personals
sites, I have found many “newbies” who are curious about
swinging. As with “seasoned swingers,” they are hopeful to meet
other couples who are interested in finding “friends with
benefits.” Because they are new to the idea of sharing their
bodies in sensual ways as a couple, they might have a somewhat
limited mind-set about expectations. Many write in their
profiles that they “are new to this lifestyle and want to know
how to get started.” One would think that it would be easy to
find other couples who enjoy sensuality, and using the internet
on adult sites as one venue, can prove very fruitful indeed. I
think this is a common expectation among seekers, but as with
singles seeking singles, we need to scrutinize the options and
apply different rules when determining the outcome. I say
“different rules” because when searching as a single looking for
romance/life partner, the criteria are considerably biased
towards dating. A couple is not looking for romance (they have
each other for that), but rather other couples to share sensual
activities as a recreation. The objective should be no different
than finding a tennis twosome to play a game of doubles.
So
how does a couple venture into the intriguing lifestyle of
swinging? Become savvy about the different options available.
Choose together which look like the best way(s) to get the
results desired.
Venues:
1)
Swing Clubs: Places geared for people
to get together en masse for the purpose of having “group” sex.
There is usually a “donation” or membership fee required per
couple (or singles if they are allowed). It is considered a
“private club” type of business. Condoms are required and
supplied, and each club strictly enforces it’s own set of rules.
They are usually “clothing optional” and have private places to
play as well as public “orgy” rooms. Some clubs allow the use of
alcohol if you bring your own, others do not. Swingers, who
frequent clubs, understand the casualness of sex with strangers
and become accustomed to close body contact with both sexes.
Although public “bi” activity is common among women at these
clubs, men who are homophobic might find the body contact
between strange men somewhat off-putting. Voyeurism is very
common so if you don’t like to be watched, this would be
uncomfortable for you. It is not unusual to be surrounded by
over 100 people so if crowds are not your thing, this type of
swinging might be a bit overwhelming at first. Sex at a club is
usually VERY impersonal, VERY anonymous and you are not likely
to see the same people more than the one occasion. The
experience can vary considerably from night to night. Light
snacks are served and there may be a smoking area, and showers
are on premises. Take your own towel to use on all surfaces if
you are worried about cleanliness. Reservations are almost
always required and the cost is usually between $30-$100 per
couple. This varies depending on the club, event, day of the
week, etc.
2)
Private Swing Parties: These are
usually held in private homes or can also take place in a hotel
suite. Some hosts charge a fee, others do not. This is a more
intimate group of people (around 20-50), and is usually a
recurring monthly event. You might run into the same people
month after month and become friends with many couples or
singles (if allowed) over time. These are great fun if you like
the more personal touch. People at these parties are usually
more sociable than they are at clubs, and it can feel more like
being at home. Men who are worried about performance can be more
relaxed because there are other men who can take up the slack,
so to speak. Because this might be a monthly happening, there
are almost always several that know each other, so joining in
might prove a bit daunting if you’re shy. But once you get into
the play (being assertive helps—after all, everyone is here to
have sex), you quickly find how comfortable being naked and sexy
can be with complete strangers. Condoms are always provided and
are highly recommended. Many provide food or ask you to bring a
side dish. NO always means no in all swinging events, so always
ask if you may join a couple or a group before doing so.
Swingers are usually very non-judgmental and open minded, so you
soon become less self-conscious and realize everyone is here for
the same reason as you. All body types, ages, races, penis
sizes, breast sizes abound, naked and free. The sounds and
visuals of an orgy are worth any angst of being “new” to the
scene. I think this venue is my personal favorite.
3)
Joining Adult Personals Sites: Making
a “couple” profile and writing an ad on an adult site is a
fairly new concept. Searching for like-minded couples online has
grown enormously popular in a very short amount of time. Making
yourselves available to the world is very easy now through the
internet. It is relatively inexpensive to get on a site, and
start your “coupling” adventure immediately. There are chat
rooms where you can find couples, as well as “search” and
“browse” features built in to the site. You can search by
location, age, race, and many other criteria that can narrow
down your possibilities of meeting your desired match. You can
contact your chosen couples by email or meet in instant
messages, on cams or in chat rooms. This is one way you might
choose to launch your new “lifestyle” to enhance your
relationship together.
Many couples love the idea and fantasy of swinging, love to talk
about it with each other, and jump into it only to find that one
or both has issues. Hurt feelings and threatening results can be
avoided if the following steps are taken. First of all, the
couple needs to realize the “intent” attached to this adventure.
Make a list of pros and cons.
Pros might be:
1)
Getting a variety of sex for both
partners.
2)
Enjoying the adventure of meeting
other couples, for friendship and sharing sensuality.
3)
Broadening “recreational” experiences
together with others, thereby enhancing their “emotional” loving
sex with each other.
4)
Discovering how exciting stepping out
of the “norm” can be to grow and learn more about each
individual of the partnership.
5)
Expanding comfort zones.
6)
Watching your partner being pleasured
and pleasuring others.
7)
Expanding carnal knowledge with the
support of one’s mate.
8)
Supporting ideas, fantasies and
hungers of self, partner or both.
9)
Sharing each other with others can
bring a “closeness” to your own intimacy. Discussing experiences
is incredibly stimulating and exciting.
10)Taking fantasy into the realm of reality.
Cons might be:
1)
Jealousy and fear of losing mate.
2)
Fear of rejection.
3)
Anxiety about looks and body type.
4)
Concern of being coerced into doing
something outside of comfort zone.
5)
Possibility of contracting STD’s.
6)
Losing site of moral values,
self-judgments concerning “alternate” sexual practices.
7)
Partners not being in sync with
objectives and activity.
8)
Being worried about indiscretion and
fear of running into others in peer group outside of lifestyle.
9)
Compromising self (doing something
that you normally would never do) or others (putting someone
else at risk).
10)Performance anxiety with or compared to others.
Secondly, there are numerous considerations that must be
determined BEFORE a couple ventures forth on this type of
adventure together in order to lessen the risk of creating
unpleasant results. Considerations that MUST be determined
before you start might be:
1)
Agree on protocol for both,
respecting each other’s comfort zones and working together to
get what both need and/or want out of the experience.
2)
Commit to share time together
searching for like-minded couples making it a “team effort.”
3)
Decide on the importance of what is
acceptable for choosing couples you want to meet, e.g. race,
age, body type, distance, hosting or not, full swap
(penetration), soft swap (oral and touching only),
married/committed or not, education level, sexual preferences
(bi, gay, lesbian, straight), importance of common interests,
personalities, etc.
4)
Commitment to each other to lower the
risks of threatening the relationship. Make sure you are “open”
to the idea of seeing your mate having sex with another person,
and are willing to take measures of combating jealousy together
if this should occur. If it DOES occur, swinging is NOT for you
until you learn how to deal with it. (I have written an article
about jealousy for SexyAds members, which you can find in the
archives of the SexyAds Gazette Magazine).
5)
Be honest about needs and
expectations during all aspects of the journey. If one or the
other is just “going along with” the idea to please the other,
chances are, there will be underlying agendas that sabotage any
efforts of achieving positive results.
6)
Decide on what venue(s) suit(s) both
as a whole, e.g. swing parties, swing clubs, or joining an adult
personals site or a combination of these.
7)
Decide if you want a foursome (mfmf),
a threesome (mfm or fmf). If you’ve only chosen the venue of
swinging as a foursome or threesome, as opposed to going to
clubs or parties, decide whether you want to swing only with
couples (committed or not) or singles or both. Swinging with
committed couples is the least threatening way to start. In my
experience, I have found that women prefer this option the best.
Men, of course, will prefer ALL options, LOL.
8)
Open communication. Agree to ALWAYS
be open to hearing the other’s feelings about absolutely
ANYTHING that might present a threat or otherwise negative
emotion connected to this joint recreation.
9)
Be open to finding ways that will
strengthen your relationship and maintain mutual respect, love
and sensitivity towards one another, while sharing sexual
intimacy with others.
Given the considerations and caveats outlined above, swinging is
not for everyone. Yet for those who have carefully thought
through the ramifications, it can be a wonderfully pleasurable
and stimulating experience.
To
me, swinging should be defined as a “recreational activity”
rather than “dating.” There is a rewarding adventure in meeting
others who enjoy a variety of sex. And the novelty of “getting
to know” other couples together in a sensual way can be
extremely exciting. As a result, participating in the exchange
of pleasure with my “significant only,” is powerfully
liberating.
(Part II will discuss online venues for swinging couples:
Writing a winning profile/ad, chatrooms, groups, and more…..)
©2004 TamiFox. All rights reserved. <Personal note to
those who have graciously taken the time to respond to my ad and previous articles>..THANK YOU SO MUCH.
It
is a great pleasure to hear from all of you. <smile>
WiseWoman's
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